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Chapter 61 Part 1


It was noon, exactly 12:00.

The cameras were ready, and the cabin members filed in one by one.

Qian Xingzhi was the only one who had finished arranging everything. He leaned his elbows on the railing of the small garden terrace and finally found a moment to himself, lost in deep thought as he stared into empty space.

That morning, his conversation with Shen Li had been cut short when Li Zhiming arrived on set, stepping in to personally supervise in Cao Sheng’s place.

As a result, Qian Xingzhi had been stretched thin, overseeing the director team and coordinating all morning to sort out the rest of the program’s schedule.

Now that filming was finally underway, he no longer needed to play mind games.

Even with a barrage of cameras pointed right at his face, Qian Xingzhi could lean on the railing and savor that rushed morning exchange with Shen Li.

“You don’t actually like… someone like Zhou Yulin at all?”

“Of course not.”

“So, I’ve always been your first choice, and you’ve always been mine?”

“…Can you stop with the nonsense and the jealousy? I’m seriously tempted to smack you right now.”

“Then why, in our sophomore and junior years, did you always use Zhou Yulin as an example and make me learn from him?”

“…Who was the one who could only score thirty-nine in math back then? Who was the idiot who couldn’t even pass the art exam cutoff?”

“What does that have to do with Zhou Yulin?”

“After I told you he was smarter than you, your math scores went up by at least a hundred points.”

“……And after graduation, why did you always tell me to be more mature and steady?”

“.”

“?”

“Didn’t you care at all about your own future? You always needed comparisons and validation from others just to move forward. Shouldn’t you have grown up a bit?”

Shen Li wasn’t wrong. If it had been any ordinary person who listened to reason—

His words would have sounded like those of a good teacher and friend, or even a strict but loving parent.

But Qian Xingzhi was not the type to take advice.

No, that was exactly right.

He had gotten to where he was today by comparing himself to people he disliked, competing against those he looked down on, and basking in Shen Li’s gentle gaze.

And so what?

Qian Xingzhi felt no shame in it. If anything, he took a little pride.

As long as Shen Li’s ideal type wasn’t Zhou Yulin. As long as Shen Li didn’t like Zhou Yulin.

Everything else could be discussed.

A faint smile tugged at Qian Xingzhi’s lips. He lifted his gaze, looking up at the sky and then at the trees.

His mood was genuinely pretty good.

Outside the small garden, the asphalt road shimmered with heat haze. Even the outlines of the roadside trees seemed softened by the sun, their leaves rustling like countless thin jade slices caught in the breeze.

Just like back in their student days, those sweltering summer afternoons when they both eagerly awaited seeing each other.

Amid the crisp flutter of leaves, the greenery seemed so lush it could drip from the branches.

“Oh! Brother Qian~ There you are~!” Ke Jiujiu’s sweet voice rang out, drawing everyone’s eyes toward them. “Everyone was just welcoming Teacher Zhen~ Sister Shuang searched half the cabin for you and couldn’t find you! So you were hiding out here!”

Lin Xu came in from outside too. “Who’s hiding? This is where we’re supposed to gather anyway.”

Qian Xingzhi seemed not to hear them. His gaze skimmed over the two and fixed on the entrance to the small garden.

His target was clear.

Yang Zhiqi and Little Zhao weren’t speaking to each other. They took seats at opposite ends of the garden sofa, like poles apart.

Li Weiwei and Kris walked in arm in arm, with Zhen Tian—looking all polished but ultimately phony—standing beside Kris and half-listening to the two women chat.

And sure enough, his Shen Li was walking with Yao Shuang, bringing up the rear of the group.

Yao Shuang was gesturing animatedly, chatting away to Shen Li, who nodded politely.

Qian Xingzhi’s throat bobbed. Casually, he glanced toward the spot where Shen Li was most likely to sit.

In one of the cameras, a potted fiddle-leaf fig trembled inexplicably, and a shadow flashed by!

By the time the viewers looked closely again, Qian Xingzhi was already there with a cold, icy profile, pulling out a chair for Shen Li.

【Precise targeting! Doggo strikes!】

【Ban the cold-faced tough guy act for our pups—real dogs in pup world never cold-face without wagging their tails [one kick flying]】

【Huh? I was working overtime yesterday and missed the live stream—what happened?】

【[smile] Yesterday icebergs collided, this old man’s been flung into the ocean trench from the plate tectonics, prime CP brain turned to brain mush [smile]】

【Can’t put it that way [pray] Hot weather makes you appreciate icebergs. Everyone else sweating buckets on the street, but I pop open the show, glance at our two icebergs’ faces, and my heart cools right down refreshingly cool [pray] This is the karma of my shipping addiction】

【If you’re saying that! Qian Xingzhi just pulled out a chair for Shen Li! And he hurried over the second he saw Shen Li coming!!! I’m an old fan, I know—he’s never done that for any other colleague!!】

【Surface-level decorum, y’know? Being as cringey as Yang Zhiqi would be too much】

Everyone settled into their seats, ready to eat.

Yao Shuang explained why she was still hanging around the cabin today.

“I’m just here to have lunch and complete the task the Program Group gave me, then I’m flying to S City for the XS Gala.”

“Oh yeah! I almost forgot without you saying—didn’t they have a hidden task yesterday too!? And wasn’t there a reward?” Yang Zhiqi asked the Program Group. “Did they complete it? Can they do it today? Yesterday was force majeure! If they can’t finish, can they make it up somehow?”

The follow-shot director replied, “Yes, but it has to be done quickly at this meal. If not, the task expires.”

Zhen Tian asked, “Can you tell us what the task is?”

The director said, “No, only Yao Shuang and Shen Li know it, and only they can do it.”

Kris said, “I remember Sister Shuang’s task reward was a hint about everyone’s professions; Brother Shen’s was… personal gold coins, right?”

The director confirmed, “Yes.”

Ke Jiujiu exclaimed, “Wow! So does that mean the afternoon game finally has a profession reveal segment?!”

The director subconsciously glanced at Qian Xingzhi and nodded.

Yao Shuang’s fiery red lips curved slightly. She leaned toward Li Weiwei beside her with a coquettish whine, all charm and allure. “Aww, so much pressure. If we fail this task, everyone misses out on the hint.”

Li Weiwei laughed. “No worries. If we don’t finish, we don’t. Shen Li’s been pushing the process along anyway. Worst case, just ask Brother Qian—he knows everything for sure.”

“Hahaha, plan works, I like it,” Yao Shuang said with eyes crinkled in laughter. She tossed the conversation toward Qian Xingzhi and Shen Li. “What do you think? —Ahem.”

Yao Shuang had claimed the center seat, perfectly framed by all three cameras, so she could still steal the show and set the pace.

But Qian Xingzhi and Shen Li were different.

They’d picked the most out-of-the-way corner, and it seemed they weren’t paying attention to the director or anyone else.

Shen Li subtly leaned forward, tilting his head slightly toward Qian Xingzhi, and murmured something short and low.

Qian Xingzhi nodded, stood up, and while handing him a napkin, scooped half a bowl of rice into Shen Li’s bowl.

Like a…

Well, it made sense—Shen Li’s leg was bothering him.

“Ahem,” Yao Shuang teased in that pointed, playful way, her intent to ship and stir clear to everyone. “Ooh la la, should we set up a private two-person table for you two?”

Only then did Qian Xingzhi and Shen Li look over together.

Shen Li (bewildered): “Huh?”

Qian Xingzhi (glaring): .

【Like teachers holding class meeting up front while those two whisper in the back!】

【Called on, totally lost on the question】

【Whoa whoa, Shen Li’s just here to eat again】

“No err? You guys really weren’t listening?!” Ke Jiujiu’s bell-like laughter rang out anew. “Hahahahaha, oh my god! How can people have hearts this big!”

Little Zhao, seated a bit closer to them, gave a soft, well-meaning reminder. “…The director’s saying that Brother Shen, your task from yesterday can be done during lunch now, or it’ll fail once the meal ends!”

Shen Li: ..

Shen Li really hadn’t been paying attention earlier. Now that Little Zhao mentioned it, he remembered.

His bizarre task was to “make any two ex-husbands cry.”

But…

People were eating. Making someone burst into tears mid-meal? Just thinking about it turned his stomach.

Even without being devout or Buddhist, Shen Li believed in compassion and kindness.

So he refused mildly. “Nah, it’s fine. Yao Shuang can do hers. Mine’s just personal reward—doesn’t matter if I skip it.”

“Aww~ Don’t~ That’d be no fun~” Ke Jiujiu said. “If you don’t wanna do it, Brother Shen, can you at least tell us what it is?”

Qian Xingzhi cut in coldly. “No.”

Ke Jiujiu pouted. “Fine.”

Those two weren’t big talkers and were focused on eating, so the topic quickly drifted back to the chatty extroverts.

Only an introvert like Little Zhao didn’t mind her screen time. Sitting next to them felt like the right choice—she could eat in peace without awkwardness.

Better than forcing smiles and pretending to fit in.

And so the long table, starting roughly from Kris’s spot, split clearly into fiery chaos on one side and icy calm on the other.

Yang Zhiqi and Ke Jiujiu’s end was a chaotic uproar, the two still bickering endlessly over their bet of two packs of fancy smokes from way back.

Yao Shuang was teaming up with Li Weiwei, casually chatting to draw out Kris and Zhen Tian’s most memorable sweet moments—and their most crushing lows.

Meanwhile, Shen Li and Qian Xingzhi’s side was so quiet they could hear the cicadas and birds outside.

【Others debating, you two mukbanging—heh, living their best lives】

【Feels like Yao Shuang’s task is asking about relationship histories?】

【Aaaah, will she ask those two later? I wanna hear Thrifty Husbands’ love story!!!】

【What’s there to hear about them.. They look like a total sham marriage [cracking up]】

【Whoa! Kris and Zhen Tian met at a bar over drinks? Real talk? That’s a one-night stand, right? Can they say that on air?】

【Nothing wrong with adults saying it—as long as they know STDs don’t go through insurance [awkward][awkward]】

The viewers’ guesses and chatter were heating up.

Shen Li was already wiping his mouth. Listening to Kris and Zhen Tian’s relationship history, his stomach was starting to ache faintly—occupational hazard kicking in.

He really wanted to slap some handcuffs on them.

“So you were blackout drunk at the time, and he took you back to the hotel!?” Ke Jiujiu exclaimed in disbelief.

“Yes,” Kris replied with a sweet smile. “I had passed out right at the entrance to the bar back then. He was the one who took me back—otherwise, I’d have been completely homeless.”

【Holy shit! That’s straight-up corpse-picking!】

【Dude’s just letting his morals follow his face, huh? If the guy was uglier, she’d have called the cops.】

【But like, Zhen Tian doesn’t even look that hot. He’s like a big stewed pork knuckle from my dad’s pot.】

As soon as Kris finished speaking, the expressions on Zhen Tian’s, Shen Li’s, and Ke Jiujiu’s faces all shifted dramatically.

Zhen Tian cleared his throat. “Ahem, honey, you need to explain this clearly. Otherwise, they’re going to get the wrong idea about me! Weren’t we having a great chat that night?”

Kris blinked her big, innocent eyes, looking genuinely puzzled. “But that’s exactly what I said, isn’t it?”

Zhen Tian jumped in quickly. “Hahaha, right, right. We were chatting really well, and then she agreed to let me take her back. That’s how we ended up going together.”

Then Kris spoke up again. “The happiest moment of all was probably when I got pregnant, and you said you wanted to marry me. I loved you so much back then—I really felt like I’d met my Prince Charming.”

Zhen Tian smiled sweetly. “Hahaha, yeah, a man’s gotta take responsibility, after all.”

Yao Shuang asked next, “And the saddest? In Chinese, we call it your ‘darkest moment’!”

Kris turned her pure, innocent eyes toward Zhen Tian. “…Can I really say it?”

Zhen Tian assumed this was part of the scripted story they’d rehearsed in advance, so he nodded. “Of course you can, baby. Just say whatever’s on your mind.”

Kris’s gaze darkened. “My darkest moment… That was probably when I miscarried. He resented me for holding back his career and refused to go public with our relationship. Then he wanted a divorce.”

【?】

【!? ?!? ?!】

【Where do these scumbags worse than pigs or dogs even come from? Treating her like a damn baby factory?!】

【Fuck that, don’t drag pigs and dogs into it—my pet pig and dog are way more humane than him, no matter the species lolol】

Zhen Tian froze, taking a long moment to process what Kris had just said.

He was about to lose his goddamn mind.

He’d come on this show specifically to salvage his reputation and claw his way back to fame! He’d already worked it all out with Kris—they’d play up their couple vibe, ride the hype wave, get remarried once the buzz peaked, and she’d snag her “Chinese green card” in the process.


Salted Fish Rectifies the Remarriage Variety Show

Salted Fish Rectifies the Remarriage Variety Show

咸鱼摆烂复婚综艺[娱乐圈]
Status: Completed Native Language: Chinese

Male Supporting Lead No. 2: "Oh, I went to LA last year for my EMBA. The sea breeze there was just divine. What about you?"

Shen Li: "Me? I got nine years of compulsory education back in China."

Female Lead No. 1: "Haha, you're hilarious. This little cake is amazing—the subtle milk flavor hits your mouth, your nose, even your pelvis and the roof of your mouth... Want to try a piece?"

Shen Li: "Nah, doesn't fill you up. You done with that potato?"

Male Supporting Lead No. 3: "What do you do for work?"

Shen Li: "Just your average office drone on a fixed salary."

Female Supporting Lead No. 4: "You're so gorgeous—ever done escort work?"

Shen Li: "Yeah, full-face stuff, like 99% of it."

Male Supporting Lead No. 2: "Mind if I ask something I probably shouldn't—where's your most sensitive spot?"

Shen Li shot him a cold side-eye, his pretty eyes flat with disdain. "Backdoor, I guess. You got nothing else to ask?"

The remarriage reality show *Broke Defense? Ex-Husband Bro* brings a bold new format like nothing before.

【Swap-and-Remarry Cabin】

Eight civilian guests:

From afar, they seem like shining stars from every elite profession—radiant, charismatic.

Up close, they're scheming mushrooms, chasing fame and fortune while playing dumb.

Remarry if you can remarry. Swap partners if you can swap.

Games wrap up, and it's a chaotic stew—who's really falling for whom?

The unique twist? Two of the civilians in the cabin are exes of guests in the live commentary booth—

Later in the show, viewers vote. Guess who Ex-Husband Bro is, and he gets a shot to enter the cabin and win back his ex!

Shen Li hadn't wanted to come at first.

No point.

Qian Xingzhi had pulled strings to get him in, insisting he join.

But wasn't this show just like hindsight being 20/20? You crash the car into the wall before remembering to swerve, buy the stock after it moons, flick the snot only when it hits your lips?

Divorced already—now they panic?

He was the first to check into the Swap-and-Remarry Cabin, a.k.a. Male Lead No. 1.

His profile was the weakest among all the guests. Unlike the rich kids tossing around fluent English and waxing poetic about cake flavors resonating in their noses and pelvises, he was just one of the masses—stuck on a dead-end salary, with a limp to boot. Bluntly put, a cripple.

He figured showing up would get him nowhere—no one would pick him, and there was zero chance of reconciling with Qian Xingzhi.

Shen Li used to be a cop.

He'd served in SWAT, in homicide, earned a second-class merit award. One leg got busted, until he couldn't run anymore. They sidelined him to a desk job. Unable to let go of the remote mountain village that had once saved his life, he retired to help build it up.

Shen Li wasn't here to remarry or even date.

He just wanted to plug the village elementary school, attract some top teachers, and maybe drum up his anti-scam social media account.

So why not ride Ex-Husband Bro's coattails? Free publicity.

Besides, their breakup...

No sordid drama. Just incompatibility.

Different worlds, both swamped with work, barely seeing each other twice a year.

Even the hottest high school romance cools off eventually, leaving two people from separate universes.

He couldn't give Qian Xingzhi what he needed.

Better to let go early.

These past years, Shen Li didn't know if Qian Xingzhi had found someone new.

He only saw Qian Xingzhi on screens, climbing higher podiums, smiling as he thanked the crew and his family—like he'd embraced the world. But Qian Xingzhi's world no longer needed him.

Whatever.

Shen Li treated the show like just another workday, slacking off without a care.

Influencers really had it easy making bank. Better to milk some cash for village projects—that was practical.

Qian Xingzhi was panicking for real.

What happened to Shen Li's leg? How'd he get hurt? Could it heal?

Why did everyone want to date Shen Li?!

What kind of freaks were these—cracked dates, goblins, and ghouls? You think you deserve him?

That was *his* wife! *His*!

If he'd known it'd come to this, he never would've clung to Shen Li like a pathetic crybaby every day. Shen Li hated lovesick idiots and interruptions at work. All his fault for being immature and clingy.

Now, after seven years divorced, Qian Xingzhi had evolved from lovesick, clingy sex addict top to aloof ice-queen celibate top. Shen Li should like this version, right? QAQ...

Few words.

Stomach-friendly.

Cool and distant.

Shen Li's type.

No, couldn't keep up the act much longer. Vote for him already!

Were the viewers blind? Why not vote?!

Let me in—my wife is Shen Li!

Fine, let him into the cabin first, then he could keep playing aloof ice-queen top. Deal?

Qian Xingzhi paced the commentary booth like a hot dog on a sizzling grill.

Fans: ...So this divorced dude's been faking the aloof ice prince vibe all these years?

Qian Xingzhi (teary-eyed, fragile, shattered, deathly pale): I'm fishing for my wife here, got it?

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