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Chapter 67


Twenty minutes earlier.

In the public restroom.

Qian Xingzhi’s towering frame loomed like a high wall, half-blocking the door as he coldly watched Zhen Tian.

Zhen Tian trembled, clutching a basin while dry-heaving.

He retched for a bit, then splashed water on his face.

Retched again, then washed his face once more.

Every so often, he stole glances at Qian Xingzhi in the mirror. Seeing that Qian Xingzhi hadn’t looked away, those deep eyes fixed unblinkingly on him, Zhen Tian didn’t dare make any sneaky moves.

Finally, unable to bear the standoff any longer, Zhen Tian snapped. He whipped his head around and vented his frustration in a burst of anger. “Bro! Don’t you have your own stuff to do? Why are you staring at me like that?! You have to watch me puke too? Is it that entertaining?!”

Qian Xingzhi let out a scoff, his voice low and steady. “Extremely entertaining.”

Zhen Tian was already fuming, and Qian Xingzhi’s retort only fueled the fire. Words tumbled out of him, aimed straight to provoke.

“No wonder Shen Li dumped you. Your personality’s absolute trash.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t think Shen Li likes you at all. No way he’ll remarry you.”

“Oh.”

Seeing Qian Xingzhi completely unfazed—and knowing men better than anyone—Zhen Tian went all-in with his desperate final jab.

“Tiny-minded with a tiny dick. Money can’t fix that.”

“Oh?”

Qian Xingzhi’s lips quirked up ever so slightly. A flicker of interest finally sparked in his indifferent gaze. He stepped forward, arm raised—

Zhen Tian squeezed his eyes shut, bracing for a hit. Instead, there was a sharp smack as Qian Xingzhi slammed the running faucet shut.

Just as Zhen Tian started to breathe a sigh of relief, Qian Xingzhi grabbed him by the collar and the back of his neck, yanking him up off the floor like a chick.

“Chin up.”

The menace radiating from Qian Xingzhi was overwhelming, and his grip was iron-tight. It snuffed out most of Zhen Tian’s bluster in an instant.

Zhen Tian quivered. “H-Hit a nerve, huh? I-I’m telling you, assault’s illegal!”

“You’re lecturing me on the law?”

Qian Xingzhi’s brow furrowed, his tone sharp. “Tell me, did you hire those people stirring up trouble online just now?”

Zhen Tian had originally planned to hire some trolls to trash Shen Li’s high-education low-income angle, poisoning his public image.

But now…

He knew Shen Li genuinely didn’t care what people said, and his reputation among fans was rock-solid anyway. All his scheming had done was backfire spectacularly. If Qian Xingzhi caught him red-handed, the drugs would come to light for sure.

“No, no, it wasn’t me!”

Zhen Tian puffed out his chest despite being dangled by Qian Xingzhi. No more bravado—he lashed out like a cornered dog. “Fuck! I swear I didn’t do shit! Maybe Jiang Nan? Yeah, probably Jiang Nan! I’d never dare! No way! I know Shen Li’s a cop—I’d never badmouth a cop’s salary! That’d be suicide!”

Zhen Tian was fudging the timeline on when he’d learned Shen Li was a cop. He’d only just found out himself.

But as long as Qian Xingzhi didn’t know that, he could pin it all on Jiang Nan!

As for Shen Li…

No way to hide it from him now. He’d just have to beg properly later.

Shen Li wasn’t the prickly type like Qian Xingzhi, right?

Qian Xingzhi found the chatter annoying. He released Zhen Tian like discarding a trash bag, not bothering to argue with a weasel. He’d get to the bottom of it himself anyway.

Qian Xingzhi waved to his staff outside the door. “Keep an eye on him. Don’t let him sneak any food in the restroom or dump anything.”

The staffer blinked. Sneaking food in the bathroom?

How peculiar…

But Zhen Tian got the message loud and clear.

His sudden bathroom dash was meant to ditch the baggie of white powder stashed in his pocket. Qian Xingzhi’s watchful eye had blocked that, though.

Now that Qian Xingzhi was leaving, he could at least bully the staffer or bolt to a stall.

But Qian Xingzhi added coldly, “Doesn’t matter. A urine test will reveal everything.”

Zhen Tian: !

His sore eyes swiveled, his hearing seeming delayed. Even after Qian Xingzhi had been gone a while, those words echoed in his head.

It hit like a gut punch.

And he still hadn’t recovered.

His sluggish brain churned. He’d read up once—most drugs cleared urine tests after 4-7 days. If he just laid off for a bit…

Zhen Tian glanced at the staffer now looming by the sink, staring him down.

Better destroy the stash in his pocket first.

Meanwhile, Qian Xingzhi strode through the hallway and up the stairs.

He pushed open the door.

The room was empty, save for the light spilling from the bathroom.

“Shen Li?” Qian Xingzhi called.

“Mm.”

No “stay out” meant he could enter.

Qian Xingzhi glanced at the camera with his stern features, then pushed the bathroom door open without hesitation.

【Huh?】

【You two got something going on again?】

【From one bathroom to the next? Your little love nest bathrooms are on fire lol [cry-laugh]】

【This pair baffles me. So aloof and distant, yet always sneaking off-camera hookups.】

【Are they having wild makeouts in there?!?! Are they banging like crazy where no one’s watching?!?!】

【lol [drooling] Imagining that ‘no kissing but fucking’s fine’ dynamic [drooling] so hot so hot AHHH [drooling]】

【CP stans chill. This pair’s crumbs are harder than steel. Good luck chomping that acted-out bait. Just watch if they remarry or not.】

【…Can non-shippers leave? Isn’t this a shipper show? Go spam your faves’ Weibo motorcades instead.】

After hanging up, Shen Li had perched on the toilet lid, scrolling through online comments and videos. He’d been about to hunt down Qian Xingzhi when the man returned. Shen Li locked his phone, flipped it screen-down on his thigh, and looked up. “How’d it go?”

Qian Xingzhi stopped in front of Shen Li’s knees, gaze dropping instinctively to the phone on his lap—and lingering there.

This time, Shen Li caught on quick. Face impassive, he added, “…Want to see? I was just talking to my master.”

“Hmph. No need.”

Qian Xingzhi’s lip twitched faintly downward, but he said, “I can guess. Your master was probably cursing me out again.”

Shen Li’s brow stayed furrowed, lips parting slightly.

He wasn’t one for lies, so he picked the one nice thing Guan Ning had said. “…My master said you’ve changed a lot. More mature than before… for sure.”

Qian Xingzhi: .

A tangle of emotions churned in Qian Xingzhi’s chest, his sharp mind racing.

“Mm,” he replied coolly, brushing it off. “Maybe I have.”

Shen Li paused for half a beat, his own lips turning down. After a long silence, he got to business. “What was Zhen Tian like when you went after him?”

Qian Xingzhi curled his fingers. “He definitely looked like he wanted to ditch some drugs. I think he’s using.”

“Mm.” Shen Li eyed Qian Xingzhi’s straight, long legs, his voice even. “I’ll loop in Lin Jie for a quick urine test. Best to trace the source too. Don’t tip him off.”

“Got it.” Qian Xingzhi paused, then added seriously, “I’ll have someone look into that online drama. I suspect Zhen Tian.”

Shen Li recalled the forum and Weibo threads slamming his “fake scholar real pauper” vibe. He felt more exasperated than angry, not keen to tangle with scum. But he knew Qian Xingzhi meant well.

“Where’s Zhen Tian now?”

“Still in the restroom. Got staff watching him.”

“Mm. I’ll check on him.”

“Alright.”

Qian Xingzhi extended a hand downward, offering it to help Shen Li up.

But Shen Li instinctively pressed on his wrist instead, turning his head away as he held his breath and stood.

“Thanks.”

Their polite gazes met for a split second before drifting apart, mutual understanding unspoken.

Yet both probably recalled similar moments in restrooms past. In nearly identical positions, Qian Xingzhi would stand before Shen Li, caressing his face tenderly before murmuring sweet nothings, coaxing him to unzip his pants.

Or reversed: Qian Xingzhi on the toilet lid, Shen Li pinned between his legs. Trying to leave but held fast by the grip on his slim waist, followed by heated touches.

Those years, they’d gone at it so fiercely, as if burning through a decade’s worth in advance.

Soon after.

Shen Li steadied his breathing, left the room, and headed downstairs.

The daytime game segment had ended, and the live stream had shifted to product ads. Viewers were now debating hot pot for dinner or an outside shopping run.

Shen Li scanned for Zhen Tian—no sign in the living room. He pushed into the ground-floor public restroom and found him there, a total wreck. Zhen Tian clung to a urinal, heaving violently under supervision.

The staffer—Qian Xingzhi’s pick—explained to Shen Li. Zhen Tian had tried for a stall, but he’d blocked him and made him use the urinal instead. That’s when the puking started.

Shen Li nodded, dismissing the staffer.

The moment they left, Zhen Tian’s face crumpled!

He abandoned the urinal and lunged for Shen Li’s left pant leg, trembling like a leaf, sobbing hysterically.

“—Wah~ Brother Shen! I was wrong, so wrong! I’ve seen the light. I know I can’t run. Let me make it right, Brother Shen!”

Shen Li’s brow knotted fiercely. He clenched his jaw, barely restraining the urge to boot the guy away.

Zhen Tian’s wail came out high-pitched, like a car horn on the fritz—quiet enough not to draw ears.

“Please, I’m begging you, bro—don’t expose me! I’ll check into rehab myself! I don’t wanna get blacklisted, wahhh please. Leave me a way out. Don’t tell, and I’ll be your lackey, wah~ wah~ wah~”

Shen Li sighed, grabbing Zhen Tian by the collar and giving a light tug.

He didn’t budge.

Zhen Tian was forced to lift his head, staring upward in despair—only to meet Shen Li’s calm gaze. “I’m not running some mafia outfit here. Little brothers? Where the hell did you pick up that crap?”

“I know, bro,” Zhen Tian stammered, “but… but I really don’t want to end up as some disgraced celebrity…”

Shen Li’s expression remained indifferent and utterly serene. “You already are one.”

Zhen Tian’s eyes dimmed, but then they lit up again with that unrepentant glint. “I… well, then can I atone for my crimes or something, bro? I’ll do anything you want—just don’t get me blacklisted…”

Seeing how genuinely panicked he was, Shen Li fell silent for a long moment before speaking slowly. “Whether you get blacklisted or not isn’t up to me. But a good attitude toward admitting your mistakes, combined with major contributions, would definitely be taken into account when it comes to your punishment.”

Zhen Tian perked up at that sliver of hope. He lunged forward and clung to Shen Li’s pant leg, sobbing with even more heartfelt emotion. “Bro! Bro, you’re like my real brother now! From here on out, you say go east, and I wouldn’t dream of heading west!”

Shen Li pondered in silence for a long while.

“…Then do something for me.”

Zhen Tian let out a huge sigh of relief, blinking up at him through tear-misted eyes. “Bro, forget just doing a little something—if you want, I’d be your dog, no problem! Wuu~ wuu~ wuu~”

Shen Li couldn’t take it anymore. With a frown, he shot the man a cold sidelong glance. Gritting his teeth against the pain, he shifted his weight to his right leg and kicked Zhen Tian away, finally yanking his left leg free.


Salted Fish Rectifies the Remarriage Variety Show

Salted Fish Rectifies the Remarriage Variety Show

咸鱼摆烂复婚综艺[娱乐圈]
Status: Completed Native Language: Chinese

Male Supporting Lead No. 2: "Oh, I went to LA last year for my EMBA. The sea breeze there was just divine. What about you?"

Shen Li: "Me? I got nine years of compulsory education back in China."

Female Lead No. 1: "Haha, you're hilarious. This little cake is amazing—the subtle milk flavor hits your mouth, your nose, even your pelvis and the roof of your mouth... Want to try a piece?"

Shen Li: "Nah, doesn't fill you up. You done with that potato?"

Male Supporting Lead No. 3: "What do you do for work?"

Shen Li: "Just your average office drone on a fixed salary."

Female Supporting Lead No. 4: "You're so gorgeous—ever done escort work?"

Shen Li: "Yeah, full-face stuff, like 99% of it."

Male Supporting Lead No. 2: "Mind if I ask something I probably shouldn't—where's your most sensitive spot?"

Shen Li shot him a cold side-eye, his pretty eyes flat with disdain. "Backdoor, I guess. You got nothing else to ask?"

The remarriage reality show *Broke Defense? Ex-Husband Bro* brings a bold new format like nothing before.

【Swap-and-Remarry Cabin】

Eight civilian guests:

From afar, they seem like shining stars from every elite profession—radiant, charismatic.

Up close, they're scheming mushrooms, chasing fame and fortune while playing dumb.

Remarry if you can remarry. Swap partners if you can swap.

Games wrap up, and it's a chaotic stew—who's really falling for whom?

The unique twist? Two of the civilians in the cabin are exes of guests in the live commentary booth—

Later in the show, viewers vote. Guess who Ex-Husband Bro is, and he gets a shot to enter the cabin and win back his ex!

Shen Li hadn't wanted to come at first.

No point.

Qian Xingzhi had pulled strings to get him in, insisting he join.

But wasn't this show just like hindsight being 20/20? You crash the car into the wall before remembering to swerve, buy the stock after it moons, flick the snot only when it hits your lips?

Divorced already—now they panic?

He was the first to check into the Swap-and-Remarry Cabin, a.k.a. Male Lead No. 1.

His profile was the weakest among all the guests. Unlike the rich kids tossing around fluent English and waxing poetic about cake flavors resonating in their noses and pelvises, he was just one of the masses—stuck on a dead-end salary, with a limp to boot. Bluntly put, a cripple.

He figured showing up would get him nowhere—no one would pick him, and there was zero chance of reconciling with Qian Xingzhi.

Shen Li used to be a cop.

He'd served in SWAT, in homicide, earned a second-class merit award. One leg got busted, until he couldn't run anymore. They sidelined him to a desk job. Unable to let go of the remote mountain village that had once saved his life, he retired to help build it up.

Shen Li wasn't here to remarry or even date.

He just wanted to plug the village elementary school, attract some top teachers, and maybe drum up his anti-scam social media account.

So why not ride Ex-Husband Bro's coattails? Free publicity.

Besides, their breakup...

No sordid drama. Just incompatibility.

Different worlds, both swamped with work, barely seeing each other twice a year.

Even the hottest high school romance cools off eventually, leaving two people from separate universes.

He couldn't give Qian Xingzhi what he needed.

Better to let go early.

These past years, Shen Li didn't know if Qian Xingzhi had found someone new.

He only saw Qian Xingzhi on screens, climbing higher podiums, smiling as he thanked the crew and his family—like he'd embraced the world. But Qian Xingzhi's world no longer needed him.

Whatever.

Shen Li treated the show like just another workday, slacking off without a care.

Influencers really had it easy making bank. Better to milk some cash for village projects—that was practical.

Qian Xingzhi was panicking for real.

What happened to Shen Li's leg? How'd he get hurt? Could it heal?

Why did everyone want to date Shen Li?!

What kind of freaks were these—cracked dates, goblins, and ghouls? You think you deserve him?

That was *his* wife! *His*!

If he'd known it'd come to this, he never would've clung to Shen Li like a pathetic crybaby every day. Shen Li hated lovesick idiots and interruptions at work. All his fault for being immature and clingy.

Now, after seven years divorced, Qian Xingzhi had evolved from lovesick, clingy sex addict top to aloof ice-queen celibate top. Shen Li should like this version, right? QAQ...

Few words.

Stomach-friendly.

Cool and distant.

Shen Li's type.

No, couldn't keep up the act much longer. Vote for him already!

Were the viewers blind? Why not vote?!

Let me in—my wife is Shen Li!

Fine, let him into the cabin first, then he could keep playing aloof ice-queen top. Deal?

Qian Xingzhi paced the commentary booth like a hot dog on a sizzling grill.

Fans: ...So this divorced dude's been faking the aloof ice prince vibe all these years?

Qian Xingzhi (teary-eyed, fragile, shattered, deathly pale): I'm fishing for my wife here, got it?

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