“Relationships” are actually a rather fragile concept.
The bond between parents and children relies on blood ties. The bond between husband and wife relies on a paper certificate. These two types of relationships, protected by law, still see countless fractures.
Beyond these, other connections and social ties built between people sometimes require only a single conflict, a single instance of overstepping, to become impossible to maintain.
After Tong Xilin made things clear, he and Qin Ji looked at each other, both understanding in their hearts that their friendship was over.
“Alright,” Qin Ji nodded. “I understand.”
Tong Xilin didn’t say anything more. He hugged his laptop and returned to his room.
This interlude, occurring during the summer of university, was entirely unexpected. Tong Xilin had some insomnia that night.
The dark, cramped room was like a pocket. All sorts of emotions mixed and fermented together. A sense of loneliness came on overwhelmingly, without any logic.
He felt like a planet floating in a silent universe.
Perhaps it was because of the movie. Perhaps it was because of Qin Ji. Perhaps it was also because the conversation with Qin Ji had once again plunged Tong Xilin into negative memories of Tong Yuzhi.
Past one in the morning, he really couldn’t sleep. He rolled over and picked up his phone from beside his pillow to send Kong Ji a message on WeChat: Watched a movie today.
Kong Ji saw Tong Xilin’s message ten minutes later.
He had just returned from the studio at half-past midnight and refused Jiang Lin’s invitation to go for a drink. After arriving home, he changed clothes and showered first.
After finishing everything, he picked up his phone and saw this sentence. He glanced at the time and replied to Tong Xilin: What did you watch?
Tong Xilin’s reply came neither fast nor slow; he typed it out key by key: Happy Together.
Kong Ji didn’t go straight to the bedroom. He sat down on the sofa, lit a cigarette, and kept Tong Xilin company in the chat. He continued asking: What made you think of watching that?
Tong Xilin: Have you seen it, Uncle?
This movie was one Kong Ji had watched with Tong Yuzhi back then. He didn’t tell Tong Xilin that, simply answering: Saw it many years ago.
Then he asked: Feeling down?
In the pitch-black room, the chat window emanated the only faint source of light.
Tong Xilin looked at this small patch of light, looked at Kong Ji’s words, and pressed his forehead into his pillow.
Tong Xilin: Qin Ji took me to watch it.
Tong Xilin: He said many gay people eventually choose to get married and have children, returning to a normal life.
Tong Xilin: He asked me if I wanted to try with him.
Tong Xilin: I thoroughly talked it out with him, and now we can’t even be friends anymore.
Tong Xilin: I don’t understand.
Tong Xilin: It seems like I can’t hold onto any relationship. I always think I can handle things well.
Tong Xilin: Tong Yuzhi was like this, Qin Ji is like this, you’re like this too.
Tong Xilin: In the end, everything turns out different from what I imagined.
Tong Xilin sent many messages in a row.
His amplified emotions charged and collided in his mind. He typed whatever came to mind, driven by an urge to express himself, unable to grasp the connections between his own words.
He just felt dejected.
Kong Ji watched these sentences pop up one after another. He didn’t interrupt or question. He took a long drag on his cigarette, squinting as he exhaled.
Only when Tong Xilin stopped did he flick the ash off his cigarette and type back to the kid.
Kong Ji: You handled everything very well.
Kong Ji: Not all relationships are worth maintaining, especially those that drain you.
Kong Ji: With me, you always have a way back.
In two cities separated by twelve hundred kilometers, the midnight silence was the same.
Kong Ji waited on the sofa for a long time—so long he thought Tong Xilin had fallen asleep. The screen lit up again. Tong Xilin called him: Uncle.
Kong Ji: I’m here.
Tong Xilin: Goodnight.
Emotions are like phantoms; they take physical form in the dead of night. Once daylight came, Tong Xilin scrolled through his chat history with Kong Ji and repeated to himself in his heart: I handled everything well.
Today’s schedule was to give Zhao Linlin her private tutoring lesson. Tong Xilin changed and went out. Qin Ji had already left for the coffee shop.
The old building was empty. He opened the windows on both floors to air it out. The sky was very blue, helping his state of mind recover along with it.
After the lesson, it was eleven-thirty. Zhao Linlin’s mother invited him to stay for lunch, but Tong Xilin politely declined.
He wasn’t very hungry. He went to a convenience store and bought a savory bread roll and a box of sugar-free yogurt. Planning to eat and then head straight to the library, he didn’t return to the old building but sat down to eat directly under the store’s awning.
Kong Ji’s call popped up at that very moment.
“Uncle,” Tong Xilin answered, calling him.
“Busy today, Little Doctor Tong?” Kong Ji’s tone was light, his voice carrying laughter.
“Just finished a tutoring lesson,” Tong Xilin answered truthfully. “Planning to go to the library this afternoon.”
“Have you eaten?”
“Just started eating.”
“Send me your location,” Kong Ji said.
Tong Xilin had just taken a bite of his bread and forgot to chew entirely.
Hearing the background sound of airport announcements coming from Kong Ji’s end, he quickly confirmed: “You’re coming again, Uncle?”
“What else can I do?” Kong Ji answered as if it were only natural. “The kid’s feeling down late at night; of course I have to come check on him.”
The decision to fly to Tianjin on short notice was made in the middle of the night. Jiang Lin went mad when he received the notification in the morning.
“Didn’t you say yesterday we had a meeting today?” he cursed Kong Ji over the phone. “Where are you off to now?”
“Just lead it yourself. It’s nothing urgent,” Kong Ji was already through airport security by then. “I’ll be back tonight.”
“Why don’t you just sign the studio over to me?” Jiang Lin rubbed his lighter to light a cigarette. After complaining, he still expressed concern. “What’s the matter, really? Is it serious?”
“Personal matter,” Kong Ji said. “Going to check on the kid.”
“You’ve really turned into a dad,” Jiang Lin muttered as he hung up.
Tong Xilin knew absolutely nothing about any of this. So even when Kong Ji got out of the car and stood in front of him, he was still dazed and in a state of disconnect.
“This is what you call eating?” Kong Ji’s focus, however, was on the bread packaging and yogurt box. He raised an eyebrow.
“Felt like eating this today,” Tong Xilin blinked, sizing him up. “Aren’t you busy, Uncle?”
“Busy,” Kong Ji pulled out a chair and sat down, deliberately teasing him. “Ditched a major client to fly here.”
Tong Xilin’s mouth opened; it looked like he was about to panic.
“I’m joking,” Kong Ji smiled and gently scraped the bridge of his nose. “I just didn’t want you to fall into a bad state again like last summer. Came to keep you company for a bit.”
No matter what, it couldn’t possibly be worse than last summer.
Tong Xilin’s mood had already lifted seeing the morning sunlight, but hearing these words from Kong Ji, he raised his yogurt to take a sip. For a moment, he couldn’t quite describe the feeling in his heart.
Kong Ji was like an overly qualified, proper parent. Because of a fleeting moment of unhappiness from Tong Xilin, he flew directly over to keep him company. His goal was clear: accompanying meant exactly that—just accompanying.
He didn’t ask what exactly Tong Xilin and Qin Ji talked about. He didn’t make him recall it again. He simply said, “Come on, accompany me to watch a movie.”
Tong Xilin hesitated for a moment, saying his plan was to go to the library.
“Studying is good. But if you don’t learn how to relax appropriately, you’ll become a dullard,” Kong Ji’s eyes still held a smile. “You’ve worked very hard; you can give yourself half a day off.”
Tong Xilin pressed his lips to the straw and looked at him. After swallowing the last mouthful of yogurt, he put the box on the table and asked Kong Ji, “Watch what?”
Kong Ji took Tong Xilin to see a comedy.
The summer movie season is never short on comedies. A group of comedic stars gathered together. The plot had no substance and existed purely to entertain the audience.
At the tail end of summer break, there were many parents taking their kids to see movies, and many young couples too. The ticket hall was bustling and noisy. The sweet aroma of popcorn wafted through the air.
Tong Xilin glanced at the popcorn machine, which was constantly churning. Kong Ji noticed and stopped to buy some.
“I won’t eat it, Uncle,” Tong Xilin tried to stop him, whispering, “It’s too sweet.”
“Did your dad ever take you to the movies?” Kong Ji asked a question completely unrelated to popcorn.
Tong Xilin shook his head.
This was even his first time officially buying a ticket to watch a movie in a cinema.
The last time he was at a theater was in elementary school. The school organized the whole grade to watch a movie about a mother’s love. Parents could accompany their children. Tong Yuzhi said he had to work and couldn’t take leave.
At that time, Tong Xilin was too young. The movie’s palette was dim and lengthy, and he couldn’t understand it. Halfway through, the other students started screaming and running around, only to be softly scolded and pushed back into their seats by their respective parents, who gave them snacks to keep them quiet while eating.
Tong Xilin sat alone in a corner seat. He didn’t dare to move around. He sat quietly and properly for two whole hours.
Recalling these things now, he felt nothing in particular anymore.
Kong Ji gave him a deep look and went to buy a small bucket of popcorn.
“You can throw it away if you can’t finish it.” He stuffed the popcorn into Tong Xilin’s arms, then ruffled the back of Tong Xilin’s head. “It’s fine.”
A dim theater, a lively plot. The audience occasionally burst into laughter. The atmosphere was completely different from watching “Happy Together” the previous night.
At first, Tong Xilin couldn’t really get into it. He still felt the surreality of Kong Ji dropping out of the sky.
But as he watched, he got drawn into the plot. He smiled at the funny parts, discussing them in a low voice with Kong Ji.
With his eyes curved, he watched the screen. Kong Ji tilted his body slightly, leaning on the armrest, propping his jaw on his wrist, watching Tong Xilin with the corner of his mouth turned up.
After the movie ended, under the brightening theater lights, Kong Ji asked, “Tong Xilin, want to catch some dolls?”
“What kind of dolls?” Tong Xilin was still distant. “Claw machines?”
“Shopping malls all have arcades,” Kong Ji said. “Want to play?”
Tong Xilin had played claw machines before, with Zhou Qi. Both of their hands were clumsy enough. A whole bunch of tokens went in, and they didn’t manage to grab a single thing.
“Not playing,” he smiled and shook his head. “I don’t like things based on probability.”
“There are other games too,” Kong Ji was seriously suggesting. “Time is tight today; I can’t take you anywhere else to play. Come home for winter break. I’ll take you traveling.”
Tong Xilin didn’t directly indicate whether he would go back for this winter break. After looking at Kong Ji for a moment, he suddenly asked, “Did you eat, Uncle?”
The subject of the question suddenly became Kong Ji himself. He made a “Hm?” sound, thinking of the bread and yogurt Tong Xilin had for lunch, and said, “Not yet. What do you want to eat?”
“Small crispy pork,” Tong Xilin said.
Kong Ji laughed involuntarily. “You don’t even know how to pick something expensive.”
Small crispy pork was available in practically any restaurant. There was no need to find a specific place. They randomly chose a restaurant in the mall with relatively comfortable decor.
Tong Xilin finished ordering and passed the menu slip to Kong Ji. Based on Tong Xilin’s tastes, Kong Ji grandly added quite a few dishes and also ordered an extra serving of small crispy pork.
“That’s too much,” Tong Xilin said in a lowered voice after the server left. “We won’t finish it.”
“I’ll pack it for you to take back and eat,” Kong Ji also lowered his voice to match him, speaking in a low, magnetic tone like sharing a secret. “I’m very happy that you have expectations of me, Tong Xilin.”
