Chapter 18

“I didn’t—”

Before he could finish, Song Cheng’an captured his lips. Lin Jianxi didn’t really like doing these things with Song Cheng’an. Every time, it pushed him right to the edge of breaking down.

He let Song Cheng’an kiss him, lowering his gaze to the device on his wrist that looked just like an electronic shackle. A faint sense of loss stirred in his heart.

From the day they’d met until now, a decade or so had passed, but it still hadn’t earned him Song Cheng’an’s trust.

~~~

That electronic shackle had made sleeping uncomfortable on his wrist, so Song Cheng’an had moved it to his ankle.

Lin Jianxi stared up at the ceiling and asked in a daze, “Did I commit a crime or something, Song Cheng’an? Is that why you’re putting this on me?”

The sadness in Lin Jianxi’s eyes nearly overflowed. Song Cheng’an froze—he’d never seen Lin Jianxi like this before.

Song Cheng’an halted his movements. Lin Jianxi rolled onto his side, closed his eyes, and fell silent.

Song Cheng’an sat on the edge of the bed, unsure what to do, when his phone suddenly buzzed.

It was a text from an unknown number. He picked up the phone, and as he read the message, his heart nearly stopped.

—I won’t interfere with you two anymore.

—Don’t worry about Gu Heng. His mental state right now isn’t much better than that of someone who’s lost their mind.

—I kept fantasizing: if I were as pitiful as you, treated him well, even tolerated him having a husband, and took him away from this place, far from all the judgmental eyes of the world… Would Lin Jianxi give me a chance? I bet he’d like it.

—But he turned me down.

—He said you have trouble sleeping at night and need coaxing to drift off. Right then, I thought: Song Cheng’an, what makes you so special? Is it really just about who showed up first?

—You always hurt him.

—Over and over.

—I’ve never hated anyone this much. You’re the first, Song Cheng’an. If Lin Jianxi weren’t so soft on you, I’d make you pay eventually.

~~~

In the early morning, as the sun peeked over the horizon, Lin Jianxi lifted his right leg. His pajama pants slid down to his knee, exposing his slender ankle and the black shackles clamped around it. He blinked slowly, then glanced at the cake beside him—smeared and ruined from their play.

It looked utterly wrecked.

He’d only just washed the cream smell off his own skin.

Song Cheng’an slept soundly beside him. Sunlight streamed through the window, falling directly on his eyelids. His eyeballs twitched faintly beneath them, his rest uneasy.

Lin Jianxi raised a hand to shield Song Cheng’an from the light.

The sudden fresh scent drifting in made Song Cheng’an slowly open his eyes. The first thing he saw was Lin Jianxi’s hand, trembling ever so slightly. A few sunbeams slipped through his fingers, gilding the pale skin like a golden frame. Song Cheng’an snapped fully awake and turned to look at him.

Lin Jianxi averted his gaze.

“Go back to sleep,” he said. “We’re not going to the hospital.”

The Little Pervert’s whole deal was like that—seeing a hundred doctors wouldn’t change a thing. Lin Jianxi let out a soft sigh, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. It was a long while before he finally drifted off into a hazy sleep.

In his dream, someone touched him again. Lin Jianxi couldn’t stand it anymore. These days, any contact made him tremble. He opened his eyes in a near-plea, looking toward Song Cheng’an—only to see him kneeling at the foot of the bed, carefully removing the electronic shackle.

He thought it was still a dream, so he said nothing.

“…I never meant to keep you locked up,” Song Cheng’an murmured, pressing a kiss to the back of his foot. “I’m sorry, Lin Jianxi. I’m so sorry…”

…

Lin Jianxi slipped back into sleep. When he woke again, the device was truly gone from his ankle. Inwardly, he had to admit Song Cheng’an was kind of cute about it—sneaking it off like that. Yesterday must have all been just to scare him.

On his way to work, the System alighted on his shoulder. “Get ready. You’ll be leaving this place in seven days.”

Lin Jianxi’s steps faltered.

“The plot’s all wrapped up! Per the ending, you have to end up with nothing to your name. So hurry and transfer all your assets—time to make that ‘tiger fallen to the plains’ vibe~”

Lin Jianxi murmured softly, “…How’s Gu Heng doing?”

System: “You should go to the hospital and check on him.”

…

Lin Jianxi lingered outside the hospital room door for ages without going in. Then Ji Xingyan appeared behind him. “Go on in. It’s nothing major—just some tests he needs.”

Lin Jianxi handed Ji Xingyan his bank card. “Give this to Gu Heng after I leave. Thanks for the trouble.”

Lin Jianxi was always gentle with everyone, but he kept clear boundaries. Sometimes Ji Xingyan wondered who he really loved. It seemed like he cared for them all—but never in a romantic way.

Gu Heng perked up the moment he heard Lin Jianxi was there. He sat bolt upright and grabbed his hand. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be out soon—”

Lin Jianxi reached out and gently touched his face. “You might’ve forgotten those days in the rental apartment. You used to hold me close while we watched the stars from the balcony, sharing drinks. I told you then: even if we lost everything, the night breeze, the first light of dawn, the twinkling stars, our shared breaths—they’d still be ours. You smiled your brightest then. Nothing’s something we have to cling to, right?”

Gu Heng paused, then said, “I haven’t forgotten… I remember…”

Lin Jianxi smiled. “So what were you about to do?”

…

Gu Heng gave an embarrassed smile too.

Lin Jianxi and Gu Heng talked for a long time. And for that entire time, Song Cheng’an watched them from just outside the room.

Song Cheng’an lowered his eyes.

He’d never seen Lin Jianxi like this with him—never proactive, not even a kiss, let alone touching his face. The only times were back when they were kids… Now it felt like he’d destroyed it all.

He always hurt Lin Jianxi.

Ji Xingyan’s words echoed in his mind once more. Song Cheng’an remembered the sad look on Lin Jianxi’s face last night… He was so disappointed, yet that morning he’d still blocked the harsh sunlight for him.

Song Cheng’an watched Gu Heng and Lin Jianxi gazing at each other with smiles, his heart twisting with sour pain. He turned and walked away from the room.

~~~

For the sake of the plot, Lin Jianxi switched jobs again.

Hotel housekeeper.

An intern, at that.

The hotel was massive, and housekeepers had to finish their internship before going full-time. Lin Jianxi pulled the lowest pay for the heaviest workload, day in and day out.

One day remained until the plot’s end.

Song Cheng’an had vanished for six days now. Lin Jianxi was cheerfully making up beds in the hotel—the System pitched in too, tidying what it could. That little thing had surprising strength, hauling around bedding piled like mountains as it zipped about.

The System rolled gleefully on one of the freshly made beds. “Wow, Lin Jianxi, you really can do anything well!”

Lin Jianxi gave its belly a rub. “You’re too kind. My cooking’s awful.”

System: “…” That’s true indeed.

He pushed the cart, preparing to clean another room, when the manager suddenly appeared, looking very anxious: “Hurry and clean up the top-floor suite spotless. The boss is going to entertain clients there.”

Lin Jianxi received the message and immediately headed to the top floor.

He was kneeling on the ground wiping the table when the door opened, and several people strode in boisterously, with Song Cheng’an at the forefront, one hand in his pocket, surveying the room—his gaze landing on Lin Jianxi, who was kneeling on the ground, hands red and raw from the cold water.

…How did they end up meeting here.

Lin Jianxi pretended not to know Song Cheng’an, not wanting to disturb their business talk, and quietly picked up the rag to leave. As he stood up, he noticed Song Cheng’an standing still, still looking at him.

“…”

Song Cheng’an didn’t move, so the people behind him didn’t dare to either.

Thus, Lin Jianxi was stared at by everyone just like that.

Lin Jianxi: “…”

Lin Jianxi let out a soft laugh, lowered his head, and tried to weave through the crowd to leave the suite. As he walked past Song Cheng’an, he suddenly sensed something odd about the other’s breathing…

Lin Jianxi frowned slightly.

Caught a cold?

He looked up—

In that fleeting glance, he was stunned breathless by the heartbreak in Song Cheng’an’s eyes.

What kind of look was that.

Lin Jianxi had never seen it before.

This was Song Cheng’an, whom he had raised himself—hadn’t he seen every side of him? The heartbreak in those eyes, mixed with unparalleled pain, made Lin Jianxi’s heart ache.

He wanted Song Cheng’an to be happy, always radiating that beautiful, adorable smile, not tormented like this because of the plot.

Until a tear slid from Song Cheng’an’s eye, Lin Jianxi could no longer hold back, wanting to comfort him, but Song Cheng’an turned his head away, hiding all his emotions and reactions, as if afraid, his back to Lin Jianxi, tone cold and detached: “Let’s begin.”

The group behind him was stunned for a moment before finding seats. Seeing this, Lin Jianxi left the suite.

He stood at the door, not going far.

What exactly was Song Cheng’an afraid of?

Lin Jianxi clutched the rag in his hand as the system sighed: “These past few days, he’s been to the hospital and knows his mental issues are very serious. Sometimes the things he says or does are abnormal, always hurting you, so he doesn’t dare talk to you anymore. Probably something like that.”

“…”

Lin Jianxi’s hand trembled slightly.

He didn’t leave, but stood at the door waiting.

Until night fell outside, Song Cheng’an finally emerged from the suite. Lin Jianxi knew Song Cheng’an wouldn’t dare speak to him, so he simply stepped forward, took the other’s hand, and said: “Let’s go home together.”

*

Song Cheng’an was very quiet.

Once home, he went straight to sleep. Lin Jianxi looked at his profile, swallowing all the words he wanted to say.

Sleep.

They’d talk tomorrow morning.

Late at night, when all was quiet, Song Cheng’an suddenly jolted awake in a panic, stumbling out of the room. Lin Jianxi waited quietly for a bit, but Song Cheng’an didn’t return.

Song Cheng’an was off somewhere trying to die again, oblivious as always.

Lin Jianxi sighed, got up to find him. He always felt like his presence only doubled Song Cheng’an’s pain, serving no other purpose.

If it were the original story, Song Cheng’an would focus solely on revenge, not this tangled mess of love and hate, suffering unbearably.

He made his way to the guest room balcony and saw Song Cheng’an sitting on the windowsill, eyes closed, on the verge of jumping down.

Lin Jianxi stood behind him and said: “Jump.”

Song Cheng’an opened his eyes, looking at him in confusion—Song Cheng’an was in the throes of an episode now, his mind unclear, wavering between “wanting to die” and “wanting to live.”

In the past, Lin Jianxi would hold him until Song Cheng’an fell asleep, but today he just said flatly: “Song Cheng’an, jump.”

~~~

The only person in the world he loved wanted him dead. At that moment, those were the only words in Song Cheng’an’s heart, so without hesitation, he jumped right down.

—It felt like someone had covered his eyes.

Who…

In his daze, Song Cheng’an realized something and snapped his eyes open. The wind whistled in his ears; before he could shout “Lin Jianxi,” his whole body plunged into the water.

Water splashed everywhere, the chill piercing to the bone.

Song Cheng’an couldn’t breathe. Holding his breath at the bottom, amid strings of bubbles, he locked eyes with those beautiful eyes from his memories.

Lin Jianxi pulled him to the surface, smiling at him, though his voice trembled from the cold: “You okay? Isn’t it freezing?”

Song Cheng’an couldn’t utter a single word.

His heart felt like it had stopped beating; the icy water and the pain from the fresh cuts on his arms paled compared to Lin Jianxi’s words.

“—With me here, you won’t die, so relax and sleep. No need to hurt yourself just to force yourself awake.”

Song Cheng’an’s pupils trembled, tears following. It had been so long since he’d cried, yet in these twelve hours, he’d cried twice. He didn’t know if it was moved, shock, or something else—his heart felt tightly constricted, aching intensely, tears streaming down.

Outside the pool, property staff shouted for them to come up, but Song Cheng’an couldn’t hear a word. He stared fixedly at Lin Jianxi, at his pale face, at the scars on his body from before, at those beautiful hands now used to wipe tables and toilets, thinking: if he hadn’t met Song Cheng’an, Lin Jianxi would surely be happy.

Lin Jianxi chuckled, wiping the tears from his face: “What are you crying for? How old are you to be crying like this.”

Song Cheng’an cried even harder. Lin Jianxi looked at his tear-soaked eyes, then suddenly leaned in and kissed Song Cheng’an’s lips.

The icy touch made Song Cheng’an’s body go rigid.

Lin Jianxi kissed him.

Lin Jianxi kissed him; he was kissed by Lin Jianxi. Lin Jianxi’s tongue tip was licking his lips; Lin Jianxi was holding him; Lin Jianxi was saying—

“I love you, Song Cheng’an.”

“………………”

Song Cheng’an’s whole body trembled. He knew Lin Jianxi wouldn’t suddenly fall in love with him.

It was comfort.

Out of pity for him, willing to give everything.

Song Cheng’an didn’t kiss back; he seemed to have forgotten how, just repeating endlessly: “Thank you, thank you thank you… Lin Jianxi… Lin Jianxi… thank you…”

Lin Jianxi leaned in again, kissing his lips once more. Meeting his burning gaze, he awkwardly looked away.

“Song Cheng’an.”

Lin Jianxi paused, slowly lowering his lashes as he took the other’s hand and smiled gently. “Don’t say it like that. I’m more than willing.”