Chapter 42

Lin Jianxi rose to his feet and glanced around Xu Song’an’s home. “No need for formal titles while we’re here,” he said casually.

“Okay.”

Lin Jianxi headed upstairs and chose the room at the deepest end of the corridor. He pushed open the door, flicked on the light—the space was impeccably clean and tidy, carrying a faint, fresh fragrance.

It was obvious someone cleaned it regularly.

Xu Song’an followed behind. “The lighting in this room isn’t great.”

“I don’t like sunlight,” Lin Jianxi replied, draping his thick coat over a chair. “It’s too glaring.”

“…Okay.”

Lin Jianxi flopped onto the bed and closed his eyes. “You can head out for now. I’m a bit tired.”

“If you need anything, Instructor, just call me. I’ll be right outside.”

“Mm.”

“Instructor, I left the inhibitor patch on the bedside table.”

“Mm. Thanks.”

Once Xu Song’an had left, Lin Jianxi rolled onto his back and lay flat, staring at the ceiling. He let his vision blur until he blinked, sharpening the world into focus again.

He repeated the cycle.

The curtains were drawn tight, blocking out all light. There was no way to tell day from night, no sense of time slipping by. He had no urge to check his phone. Everything felt utterly flat, so flat that he needed to stir up some emotion just to feel alive.

But what was there to do?

In this world, nothing he did made a difference.

After mulling it over, Lin Jianxi decided to drink.

He slapped on a fresh inhibitor patch and went down to the living room. Xu Song’an was sitting on the sofa, staring blankly at his phone.

“Got any booze?” Lin Jianxi asked.

Xu Song’an jumped, slamming his phone face-down on the cushion before answering. “Yeah… third shelf in the cabinet back there.”

Lin Jianxi nodded and went to fetch it.

Xu Song’an let out a breath of relief and trailed after him. “Bad mood, Instructor?”

“Nope,” Lin Jianxi said. “Just felt like a drink.”

“Then let me keep you company.”

Lin Jianxi smiled. “I don’t have much to chat about with you. You’d get bored.”

“…Am I that unlikable?”

“Not at all.” Lin Jianxi grabbed a kitchen knife and pried the cap off the bottle with a swift chop. “It’s a generation gap. I’m not into the stuff you young folks like.”

“What are you into, Instructor?”

“…”

Lin Jianxi poured some into a glass and leaned against the counter, tossing back half in one go.

What did he like?

Did smoking and drinking count as hobbies?

That might corrupt the youth.

“Nothing, really,” he said.

“Then… what did you and my brother talk about before?”

“Whatever popped into my head. Mostly meaningless stuff, with the occasional tease.” Lin Jianxi poured a glass for Xu Song’an. “Your brother’s in rough shape right now. That can’t sit well with you.”

Xu Song’an stared into his glass, his fingers slowly curling tight. “…Yeah.”

“How’d you two meet?” Lin Jianxi asked softly, arching a brow.

“We…” Xu Song’an exhaled. “His parents died young. He was sent to live with us, and that’s how we met.”

“With a personality like his, he probably wasn’t the most likable, huh?”

“Actually, he was.” Xu Song’an took a sip. “He didn’t talk much, but he had top grades, great foresight. He made a ton of money for our family. Mom and Dad adored him.”

“So they overlooked you?”

“…”

Lin Jianxi chuckled. “It’s damn near impossible not to play favorites. Nobody pours water perfectly even.”

Xu Song’an met his gaze. “But you do, Instructor.”

Lin Jianxi froze.

He hadn’t expected that.

Xu Song’an went on. “You treat everyone the same—close ones, strangers, good people, bad. I… to be honest, I’m no saint. I’ve been through a lot, seen too damn many people in this world. Even public servants can’t pull off what you do. Hell, you don’t see it in TV dramas or novels. Sometimes I really think you’re some kind of immortal.”

Lin Jianxi burst out laughing. “You’re overselling it.”

“But it’s got truth to it.”

Lin Jianxi had no comeback.

If anything, that impartiality was his deepest apathy. To treat everyone equally, he had to care about no one—not even himself.

He fell silent and drank on.

When standing grew tiring, he moved to the sofa. When his head started spinning, he grabbed a few bottles and shut himself in his room.

Xu Song’an was lost in his phone again and didn’t notice Lin Jianxi had returned to his room.

Several messages lit up the screen.

【P】: You’re really falling for him, I swear.

【P】: First off, when have you ever protected anyone? Second, after going all protector mode, you’re scared shitless he won’t like you—squatting on that restaurant balcony, watching him like a hawk for half a day. Why not just ask? You couldn’t even muster the guts. Third, admit it—you’re into him.

【X】: …

【P】: Don’t play coy. Few Alphas can resist him. You know his rep. And you bring him home like this? Careful you don’t give yourself blue balls.

【P】: Bet your room reeks of his scent. Word is his pheromones hit like an aphrodisiac—even Liu Xiahui couldn’t hold out.

【P】: Hope I don’t see you next at the men’s clinic.

【X】: .

【P】: Say something, Young Master. Quit brooding.

Xu Song’an glanced up. Where was Lin Jianxi?

Back in his room?

He tapped out a reply.

【X】: If he learns the truth, will he hate me?

【P】: You already know the answer.

Xu Song’an chucked his phone aside, spread his legs, and slumped slowly against the sofa.

~~~

Truth be told, Lin Jianxi felt no real ripple from the drinking.

His head was just fuzzy enough to dull the emptiness. A blackout would be even better—it would make time fly.

Xu Song’an’s liquor was top-shelf, high-proof stuff. Lin Jianxi downed bottle after bottle until his body went limp. Feeling overheated, he stepped out onto the balcony for some air. Beneath his wind-tossed bangs, he squinted slightly, savoring the distinctive tang of a summer evening breeze.

The protagonist still hadn’t come knocking.

Lin Jianxi felt terribly dizzy, so he simply sat on the ground, poured the last drop of wine from the bottle into his mouth, then casually tossed the bottle aside. With dazed eyes, he slowly lay down on the floor.

The floor was ice-cold.

A faint drizzle from outside was blown in by the wind, landing on him. Lin Jianxi clearly felt the chill on his front and back; he even somewhat enjoyed these sensations—these hard-won touches that could make him feel something.

He didn’t know how long he had been lying there. The rain gradually grew heavier, then stopped, and faint bird calls reached his ears. Only then did Lin Jianxi realize that dawn had broken.

“Knock, knock, knock.”

Xu Song’an knocked on the door. “Instructor? I’ve been calling you with no response. I’m worried something happened to you, so I’m coming in.”

With that, Xu Song’an pushed the door open and entered.

Lin Jianxi had already sat up from the ground. His clothes were almost soaked through by the rain, his hair damp. His head was still a bit dizzy, but upon seeing someone, he instinctively gave a faint smile.

“Crash!”

The bowl in Xu Song’an’s hand shattered on the ground, releasing a burst of herbal fragrance. Lin Jianxi smelled it and said, “It smells so good.”

“Instructor!”

Xu Song’an rushed to his side. “Are you okay? Lin Jianxi, how did you end up like this?”

“Do you believe me if I say the roof is leaking?”

“…”

Lin Jianxi rested his head on Xu Song’an’s shoulder and laughed. “Then what are you asking for? I got drunk and deliberately lay here to get drenched. What else could it be?”

“Hey,” Lin Jianxi grabbed Xu Song’an’s face and looked left and right, “Classmate Xu, what’s with that look like you’re about to cry?”

“…Is it because of what happened to my brother that you’re this upset?” Xu Song’an said hoarsely.

“Yes and no.” Lin Jianxi said, “You don’t need to think for me or try to figure out my feelings. My brother’s situation can’t be changed—I know that, and so should you. Just let it be.”

“Lin Jianxi, stop comforting me. The one who needs comforting right now is you.”

“Can your comforting change the reality?”

“…”

“Answer me.”

“…No.”

Lin Jianxi looked into the other’s eyes. “Then don’t waste your energy. Get out.”

“…” Xu Song’an didn’t move.

Lin Jianxi: “Didn’t you say you’d be my little dog? Why aren’t you obeying—”

Before he could finish, Xu Song’an suddenly hugged him tightly. The rainwater from Lin Jianxi soaked into the other as well. At that moment, they both felt each other’s body heat contrasting with the chill of the rain.

“Lin Jianxi, I beg you, don’t do this to yourself.” Xu Song’an’s voice trembled. “Go hate the person who hurt Shen Yuxiu, okay? Go get revenge on him—even kill him if you want. I’ll help you. As long as you say you hate him, that you want him dead, I’ll really help you torment him.”

“What’s wrong with me?” Lin Jianxi almost wanted to laugh. “I just had some drinks and got a little wet. It’s not like I self-harmed.”

“You always love everyone—what’s the difference from self-harm? Even the person who hurt Shen Yuxiu, you can’t bring yourself to touch him, right?”

“Oh, how do you know I can’t bring myself to touch him?”

Xu Song’an looked at him. “Then tell me, what are you going to do to him?”

Lin Jianxi felt a faint sense of doubt. “Do you know him?”

“I know who he is.” Xu Song’an’s hands trembled.

Lin Jianxi was stunned.

Xu Song’an knew who the Protagonist was?

…This felt a bit strange somehow.

Since Xu Song’an cared about Shen Yuxiu, he naturally hated the Protagonist and wanted revenge on him—but why kept he begging him to hate the Protagonist?

“Do you think he did wrong?” There was a stubborn glint in Xu Song’an’s eyes. “He’s retaliating against Shen Yuxiu.”

Lin Jianxi didn’t speak. He vaguely realized something in his heart, but couldn’t grasp it.

“…He did wrong,” Xu Song’an lowered his head. “He was wrong. His existence is a mistake. His parents didn’t like him. Even after learning that Shen Yuxiu married a wife not his equal, they blinded his eyes. He hates Shen Yuxiu and wants to get revenge, but he never realized that in this world, he’s the only one who wants Shen Yuxiu dead. He just immerses himself in his own world. He’s too selfish—his selfishness has harmed everyone.”

Xu Song’an pleaded, “Lin Jianxi, torment him. Otherwise, he’s going to go crazy.”

“…”

~~~