Chapter 34: Embracing in Sleep Part 3

“Ranran, I’ll indulge you, but not everything,” Chi Mo had no intention of crafting an image of himself as a shiny, upstanding suitor. “I’m not a good person.”

“Why say that about yourself…” Li Ran panicked. “If you’re not a good person, how bad are you?”

Chi Mo: “Guess.”

“…I don’t want to guess.” Li Ran didn’t believe what Chi Mo said; he was the typical type who wouldn’t shed tears until they saw the coffin. “You’re not a bad person.”

The pajamas were bought by Chi Mo for Li Ran—several sets. Chi Mo didn’t accept the good person card. He reached out carefully, avoiding the skin at Li Ran’s collarbone, afraid that even a knuckle’s touch would tempt him to stroke more recklessly. He buttoned it up: “Sleep here. It’ll save you from being caught by Little Uncle. I’ll sleep on the sofa over there.”

That night, Chi Mo also said: “Of course you can reject me—that’s something I taught you. Good boy, you did well.”

“Of course I’ll be heartbroken, but that’s my problem. When I decided to say ‘I love you,’ I already imagined all the possible outcomes. It’s what I deserve. Me loving you and you rejecting me don’t conflict—don’t feel burdened.”

Li Ran was speechless throughout.

He just felt these words were strange.

Didn’t “no conflict” also mean that Li Ran’s rejection was his own business, Chi Mo’s love was Chi Mo’s business, and they could each do their own thing without interfering?

Then what was the point of Li Ran’s rejection?

Self-deception?

This wasn’t the first time Li Ran had slept in Chi Mo’s bed. Previously, when he’d fallen asleep doing homework in the study, he’d woken up in Chi Mo’s arms.

This was the first time he lay in Chi Mo’s bed and suffered insomnia. Li Ran lay on his side, the thin blanket covering up to his waist. The room was draped in moonlight, everything within sight shrouded in a hazy, cool glow. Chi Mo lay on the long sofa, his tall frame and long legs not fitting properly. He’d pieced together a small side table behind it that was about the right height to accommodate those legs—it was truly a squeeze.

Li Ran said, “Bro, why don’t you sleep on the bed instead.”

Chi Mo was silent for a moment: “You sure?”

Li Ran mumbled softly: “Men can’t do anything together anyway…”

The volume was so low it was almost self-muttering. But it was deep into the night, the bedroom space so confined that even the breeze from breathing could be heard clearly by the other person, let alone a murmur.

This time, Chi Mo’s silence lasted even longer: “You sure?”

The question came from overhead. Li Ran, lost in thought, hadn’t noticed Chi Mo silently approaching the bedside. He startled: “…Sure.”

He answered uncertainly.

Chi Mo then lay on the bed, without gentlemanly drawing a clear boundary between them like the Chu River and Han Boundary.

He let out a silent, knowing chuckle.

They lay close, their body heats endlessly entwining, indistinguishable whose was whose. But each felt the other’s temperature was higher—how else could the presence be so strong?

Li Ran started regretting it the moment Chi Mo got on the bed. Lying next to a living, breathing person made his mindset completely different from before—how could he sleep without a care?

It was Saturday tomorrow anyway, so insomnia it was. Li Ran: “Bro.”

“Mm?”

“…Don’t love me anymore.”

“Why?”

Li Ran said: “I snore when I sleep, I grind my teeth, I fart. I have no good qualities.”

Chi Mo said: “I know what you’re like when you sleep. You don’t snore, you don’t grind your teeth. Everyone farts. Good qualities aren’t something you say you have—they’re something I see. I never doubt my own judgment, and you’re not allowed to either.”

“…”

No matter what Li Ran said, Chi Mo could counter every sentence. The inarticulate Li Ran suffered a crushing defeat and deflated completely.

He turned his back to Chi Mo, sharing half the blanket with him, his heart full of worry and distress.

When he encountered something he couldn’t resolve for the time being and didn’t want to be bothered by it constantly, Li Ran would dig up memories to distract himself. If he pulled out a bad one, he’d let himself fret over something that had passed eight hundred years ago—after all, it was in the past and couldn’t do anything to him now. If it was a good one, he’d naturally be happy, untroubled by present or past.

Today, Li Ran’s luck was bad—he dug up a bad one.

Or rather, ever since learning Chi Mo’s feelings, this memory had lurked in his subconscious, eagerly awaiting an outlet to make Li Ran dizzy and disoriented.

His mind was full of unease. And the scene of Bai Qingqing’s furious outburst questioning Li Ang after his affair. Their argument turned into two ferocious little figures assaulting Li Ran’s mind.

Bai Qingqing said: “If you hadn’t deliberately seduced him, would Pei He Yu go for you?! What good qualities do you have? What’s there worth coveting? On the surface, you’re coworkers—who knows when you two got together in private! Li Ang, Li Ang, who would’ve thought you look so honest, but behind my back you go and seduce a man like a slut. It must’ve been you bending over and sticking out your ass for him!”

As a child, Li Ran had been shut in his own room, not allowed to listen to his parents’ fight—this was Bai Qingqing’s way of protecting him. But the house wasn’t vast like the sky or earth; they didn’t live in a vacuum. No matter how tightly the door was shut, those sounds still seeped through the cracks and gaps, smashing into Li Ran’s ears with crackling force.

Those words he hadn’t understood back then, after years of lingering, turned Bai Qingqing’s disappointment in her husband into a boomerang that struck Li Ran. He felt panicked and afraid, curling up tightly in his blanket.

Li Ang defended: “I didn’t!”

Maybe he said other things too. Compared to Bai Qingqing’s rage, Li Ang’s flushed explanations seemed like shameless guilt. Throughout, he could only say “I didn’t.”

“I didn’t! I didn’t!”

Li Ran said in his heart: I didn’t…

But his greater feeling was—sorrow that he might have unwittingly “seduced” Chi Mo.

He recalled Bai Qingqing’s “bending over and sticking out your ass” to seduce whom. Li Ran had only a vague understanding of what it meant, but he immediately turned over, no longer facing Chi Mo with his waist, hips, and legs.

“Can’t sleep?” Chi Mo asked.

Li Ran said: “A bit.”

Chi Mo frowned: “Because of me?”

Li Ran: “…No.”

“Tell me everything that’s on your mind. I’m listening.” Chi Mo guided him, patting the back of his hand reassuringly before pulling away gentlemanly, savoring the warmth on his fingertips. “Don’t worry I’ll blame you. Many of your thoughts might be immature, but they’re just the naivety of your age—part of the process, not mistakes. Face them, speak them. I’ll catch you if you fall.”

He brushed aside a strand of hair that had fallen over Li Ran’s forehead: “If there’s anything wrong with you, it’s definitely because I didn’t teach you well. Trust me.”

The hand at his forehead was fleeting, not touching skin at all. People are very sensitive to touches on the face; eyes blink instinctively when something approaches, startling them. Li Ran had overreacted to such contact before—either dodging by turning his head and shrinking his shoulders, or closing his eyes and holding his breath like playing dead. But he knew Chi Mo was absolutely safe, wouldn’t hurt him. That hand reached to brush his hair and quickly withdrew; the fingertip’s warmth came and went in a flash. Li Ran actually wished he’d touched more.

It must be because of what Chi Mo said. Li Ran called: “…Bro.”

“Mm?”

Li Ran said: “Did I… seduce you? That’s why you’re like this.”

“You didn’t seduce me. I chose to love you myself.” Chi Mo didn’t ask why he thought that; he answered seriously first.

As the words fell, Li Ran clearly let out a breath of relief.

“Really?”

“Mm.”

Li Ran felt relieved. “Okay.”

He tried to explain the origin of his worry to Chi Mo as briefly as possible. After hearing him out, Chi Mo asked in a somewhat eerie tone, “Are you comparing me to your dad, or to Pei He Yu?”

“No way!” Li Ran could tell that Chi Mo was extremely displeased at being compared to Li Ang or Pei He Yu, so he quickly changed the subject. “What would even count as seducing you, bro?”

Chi Mo didn’t answer the question. On the surface, he was the picture of a gentleman in proper attire, but in the darkness, his gaze ravaged Li Ran from head to toe. How dare he ask something like that? Doesn’t he deserve to be ravaged? A straight, honest guy being this brazen?

“Sleep.” Having cleared up and dispelled Li Ran’s worries, Chi Mo felt a surge of restlessness and could no longer speak calmly. Not particularly gently, he thrust his large hand into Li Ran’s hair and messed with it inexplicably for a few moments—like he was rubbing the top of his head, but not quite.

“Close your eyes and go to sleep right now,” Chi Mo warned. “If you keep letting your mind wander, I’ll take it as a signal that I can play with you for dear life—that’s what seducing me looks like.”

Startled, Li Ran quickly shut his eyes, his eyelashes trembling nonstop.