Zhou Zhuoyuan had probably shaken off the shadow of He Qinglan’s death by now.
He finished changing his clothes and watched Pei He pack up the small odds and ends—mostly things He Tiaosheng and the others had brought over yesterday, which Pei He was now taking back on his own.
Zhou Zhuoyuan glanced around the room, then picked up the bag from the floor. Pei He shot it a look but didn’t try to stop him. They were heading out together, after all, and Zhou Zhuoyuan might feel embarrassed walking empty-handed while Pei He lugged everything.
The bag held the test papers they’d gone over the past couple of days. While he waited, Zhou Zhuoyuan counted them up and realized just how hard he’d been working.
The motivational speaker the school had brought in once stood on the flag-raising platform and declared with fiery passion that no matter what the final scores turned out to be, you had to at least make sure you left no regrets behind.
Staring down at those papers, Zhou Zhuoyuan figured he wouldn’t have any.
As they passed the sports field, his thoughts drifted back to the day He Qinglan had come to walk him back to the dorm. He and his ex had made so many memories in this school—his heart still twinged at the thought, a dense, humid ache that welled up now and then, leaving him momentarily dazed.
But Zhou Zhuoyuan didn’t stop walking anymore. Plenty of people were waiting for him.
Then disaster struck out of nowhere. A hole ripped open in Pei He’s tote bag, spilling chargers and pens everywhere.
Zhou Zhuoyuan: “…”
He had no choice but to halt and help Pei He scramble to gather everything, cramming it all into the bag Zhou Zhuoyuan was carrying.
Pei He: “All because of that flimsy bag from Sun Yuqing.”
Zhou Zhuoyuan: “…You got that bag yourself at the school gate from the WeChat account promo event.”
Pei He paled in shock: “How’d you know?”
Zhou Zhuoyuan met his eyes and couldn’t help but snort with laughter. “I asked you about it, and you told me.”
“Oh.” Pei He swallowed hard. The sunlight was too perfect today, a riot of colors so vivid it made his head spin.
He smoothly took the heavier bag from Zhou Zhuoyuan and handed over the one with the half-eaten snacks in exchange. “You carry this. I’m scared it’ll split open too.”
No harm in the delay—they repacked quickly enough and set off again, trading idle chit-chat about nothing important.
~~~
Zhu Wan dreamed of little Zhou Zhuoyuan curled up on the bed, palms red and swollen as he held them out, eyes squeezed shut tight. But he wasn’t asleep. Quiet sobs shook his small frame.
Her heart shattered. She longed to scoop him into her arms, but she couldn’t budge an inch.
Little Zhou Zhuoyuan seemed to sense her there. He cracked open his round eyes, voice thick with tears. “Mommy? Mommy, did you come to take me home?”
The tears came harder than before. “I wanna go home. Why’d you take so long? Waa… Why didn’t you come sooner? Don’t you love me? Do you love other kids more? That bully hit me so hard, Mommy. Hug me, please…”
Zhu Wan burst into tears herself. She strained with all her might to move forward, but her body felt glued in place, trapped in that tiny patch of space. She cried out, “Mommy loves you more than anything. Don’t be scared—I’m coming to take you home right now!”
Zhou Zhuoyuan couldn’t hear a word. Fresh tears streamed from his eyes, soaking his lashes and the fine hairs at his temples. “Why don’t you love me? ‘Cause I’m bad? Why won’t you come hug me? Why love them and not me?”
It felt like knives twisting in Zhu Wan’s chest. “It’s not that Mommy doesn’t want to hold you—I don’t know why I can’t move! Just hold on a little longer. I’m almost there!”
She threw every ounce of strength into a desperate lunge and finally broke free. Startled and overjoyed, Zhu Wan reached out—but before her fingers could brush him, little Zhou Zhuoyuan vanished. In his place appeared the scene from months ago, when he’d asked to start boarding at school.
“If I don’t board, Mom can come stay with me.”
Zhu Wan watched her other self refuse him, her face etched with guilt.
Not a moment’s hesitation.
Shivering, Zhu Wan approached. Zhou Zhuoyuan looked up at her, even skinnier than he’d been as a child. “I’m boarding here. I’m not coming back.”
She shook her head and stretched out her arms to embrace him, but her body passed straight through him like mist.
She turned, and the scene shifted to the day they’d visited him at school. This time, she wasn’t watching from the sidelines. She was the one who’d just accused him in front of a crowd—the perpetrator of the misunderstanding.
Instinctively, she reached out. Zhou Zhuoyuan dodged away, his face cold as ice, just like before.
Pain seized her chest. “I’m sorry. Mommy’s here to take you home.”
His expression hardened further, brows knitting tight. “Home? What home? I don’t have one.”
Zhu Wan shook her head, tears streaming down her face. “No, it’s not like that. You promised you’d come home with me, back to the Zhou family. Zhuoyuan, Mom’s here to pick you up now. I’ll treat you well. I’ll make it up to you.”
Zhou Zhuoyuan looked baffled. “Who’s Zhuoyuan? I’m Lin Yuan.”
Zhu Wan’s breath caught in her throat. In the blink of an eye, the scene transformed into a small community hospital. The pants on Zhou Zhuoyuan’s legs were shredded, and under the harsh glare of the fluorescent lights, the savage bite marks looked utterly horrifying. The resilient little boy said nothing, silently shedding tears as he let the nurse administer the injection.
Her body froze in place once more. Zhou Zhuoyuan raised his tear-filled eyes. “Other kids get held by their moms when they get shots. Why don’t I have one?”
He quickly comforted himself. “Never mind. As long as I can stay alive, that’s enough.”
Zhu Wan struggled in vain. “Just wait a little longer. A bit more, and Mom will come hold you…”
She pleaded with the heavens to let her embrace her child, no matter the price. At the very least, let her wipe the tears from his face.
But the heavens turned a deaf ear to her desperate prayers. Zhu Wan was whisked away to the next scene, right in front of a temple.
Terror gripped her heart. Another version of herself approached slowly, heartlessly demanding that Zhou Zhuoyuan surrender a string of Buddhist prayer beads.
Those fleeting seconds from back then stretched into eternity now. She stood at Zhou Zhuoyuan’s side, gazing into his eyes—calm and utterly unsurprised, as if he had seen it all coming. There wasn’t the slightest hint of disappointment in them, a detail Zhu Wan had willfully overlooked at the time.
It took hope to breed disappointment.
Zhou Zhuoyuan turned his gaze to her, his voice laced with helplessness. “If I’d known you loved another child more, I never would have come back.”
Zhu Wan teetered on the edge of collapse, but what followed broke her even further.
It was the darkest hour before dawn on the final day Zhou Zhuoyuan had been forced back to the Zhou family. Zhu Wan finally cradled her child in her arms, her voice quaking uncontrollably. “Zhuoyuan, hold on. Don’t go to sleep. Once you’re better, Mom will send you back to school. I’ll come visit every day. Please, Zhuoyuan, I’m begging you…”
Zhou Zhuoyuan cracked his eyes open just a sliver. His once-vibrant eyes were now dull and lifeless. “My boyfriend’s dead. No one loves me anymore.”
Why was it different? Why wasn’t it like that day?
Zhu Wan felt her very body twisting and melting away, but Zhou Zhuoyuan was still in her arms. She forced herself to stay composed, clutching him tighter as she begged, “Mom loves you! Mom will love you more than anyone from now on. Please, just hold on…”
Perhaps the dream version of Zhou Zhuoyuan was as stubborn as the real one—listening only to what he wanted, tuning out any words that might stir false hope and lead to self-delusion. His feverish breaths grew ragged and uneven, and amid Zhu Wan’s frantic pleas and remorse, he slowly shut his eyes.
His frail body grew cold by degrees.
Zhu Wan stared in stunned silence at her child’s unmoving form, every word dying in her throat.
She melted into this dream.
~~~
Zhou Zhuoyuan spotted the group waiting at the cafeteria entrance and turned on his heel to leave.
Zhou Zhuoli hurried after him and grabbed his arm. “Why the rush? Forget something?”
Zhou Zhuoyuan had no desire to wrestle in front of a crowd. Glaring, he demanded, “Are you ever going to stop? I’ve been discharged from the hospital after full recovery. Or is this a public shaming session?”
Zhu Wan rushed up, gesturing for Zhou Zhuoli to release his grip. She looked as if she longed to touch him but didn’t quite dare. “Zhuoyuan, don’t be mad. Your mom and dad just missed you a little…”
Zhou Zhuoyuan shot back, “Weren’t you here just yesterday?”
Zhou Fuxuan cleared his throat twice. “Enough. Let’s talk inside. Brawling out here just gives everyone a show.”
Zhou Zhuoyuan didn’t hold back with him either. “You know about shows? Then stop harassing me. Do you want people thinking I’m still nursing?”
What struck him as odd was that Zhou Fuxuan didn’t lose his temper at the jab.
In truth, Zhou Zhuoyuan wasn’t unreasonable most of the time. He had no real wish to argue with the Zhou family. Easing his tone, he said, “Please stop bringing me meals. I really don’t like it.”
