Chapter 43

In the first half-minute after hearing Qin Shuman’s words, Qin Zui hadn’t expected to feel such intense anger.

It was just another round of Qin Shuman’s roundabout way of pushing him away. Ever since he’d arrived in this city, from the moment Qin Shuman hadn’t even wanted to see him, their awkward exchanges had become something increasingly familiar to him.

He didn’t even have any emotion about it anymore.

What really made his anger flare up was the realization that Qin Shuman and Jiang Liantian’s intention wasn’t just to push him further out of their lives.

They wanted to push him away from Jiang Chu, too.

To prevent him from interfering in Qin Shuman’s “normal” life now, she had chosen, upon his arrival, to push him onto Jiang Chu.

And now that he had developed feelings for Jiang Chu, she felt the need to remind him not to affect Jiang Chu’s life.

Under the guise of concern, she coldly reminded him: Jiang Chu is just temporarily housing you. You’re an insignificant burden in his life.

Qin Zui had always thought his sense of “boundaries” was very clear.

He needed money to live on, he needed to go to school. So he had to come to Qin Shuman.

He might have even allowed himself to imagine that Qin Shuman had a sliver of affection left for him. But after having that sliver confirmed as non-existent time and time again, he knew she couldn’t accept him. He had already clearly defined the distance between them deep in his heart.

You couldn’t hold out hope for unrealistic things. If he had, he would have been crushed by disappointment over the last ten years.

But what he hadn’t expected was that this “sense of boundaries,” which had always been so clear to him, was becoming harder and harder to control the more time he spent with Jiang Chu.

He didn’t want to maintain boundaries with Jiang Chu.

He didn’t want to be moved out of Jiang Chu’s life. At least, not right now.

He didn’t want Jiang Chu to just be a shadow that flickered through his life and then disappeared.

He knew Jiang Chu had everything. He didn’t lack for anything. Without him, Jiang Chu would have more energy for his own life, to make friends, to fall in love. Nothing would change for him.

But for Qin Zui, Jiang Chu was the person who, at his most aimless point, after a night-long train ride to this city, had said, “Come with me.”

Right now, he only had Jiang Chu.

And he only wanted Jiang Chu.

After leaving Jiang Liantian’s house, while he was waiting in the car for Jiang Chu, and all through the movie in the theater, Qin Zui could feel that Jiang Chu was constantly watching his mood.

Jiang Chu thought he was upset about Qin Shuman’s attitude.

But Qin Zui himself knew very well that Qin Shuman’s attitude had less and less impact on him.

He was imagining what Jiang Chu would be like after he, Qin Zui, left his house. Unaffected.

Just as Jiang Liantian had said, young people valued freedom more; they needed their own independent space. Jiang Chu was clearly that kind of person.

But he didn’t want to leave.

He wanted to take over Jiang Chu.

Yeah, that was it. Take over. From every angle and in every sense of the word.

His previously vague feelings of fondness and desire for Jiang Chu had solidified into that one word.

Even though Jiang Chu had told him to put his heart at ease and stay, the thought of the day when he would have to give Jiang Chu his space and life back, whole and complete, filled Qin Zui with a deep, seething frustration.

Jiang Chu didn’t know what was churning inside Qin Zui. He certainly never expected Qin Zui to bite him.

The moment his clothes were shoved up, his mind had even conjured up the bizarre image of Qin Zui pressing his face to his back and sobbing.

Who would have thought the kid wouldn’t cry, but would use his teeth?

Jiang Chu never knew his back could be such a sensitive spot. When those teeth sank in, every nerve in his back seemed to contract, and he felt a strange, sharp pull, as if his heart had been caught in a clamp. It made his knees feel weak.

Before he could react, Qin Zui’s hand, which had been holding his clothes, went even further, sliding directly under the fabric.

The slightly cool palm pressed against his shoulder blade and slid forward, first rubbing roughly across his chest twice. Then it slid back up along his collar, seized the back of his neck, and pulled him firmly backward.

The mouth that had been biting his back was now pressed against it, its owner’s breath distinctly seeping into his collar. Then, Qin Zui bit down hard on the spot where his neck met his shoulder.

This time, Jiang Chu reacted by snapping his elbow back and driving it hard into Qin Zui’s ribs.

Qin Zui let out a muffled grunt and let go of his neck. Jiang Chu hesitated, his arm cocked back, considering whether to deliver another blow that would take Qin Zui down. But Qin Zui simply pulled his shirt back down, wrapped his arms around Jiang Chu’s waist again, and pressed his forehead back against the small of Jiang Chu’s back.

“Bro,” his voice was a little hoarse, from pain or something else, it was hard to tell. He called out to Jiang Chu, his voice muffled. “Let me hold you for a bit.”

Jiang Chu didn’t turn around. His arm, tensed with force, clenched and unclenched, clenched and unclenched again, but he didn’t drive his elbow back.

Calling him ‘bro’ at a moment like this was a direct hit to Jiang Chu’s soft spot.

Staring blankly at the lighter that had fallen back into the drawer, he could only grit his teeth and curse softly. “So whether you’re feeling good or bad, the only way you know how to express it is by getting horny, huh?”

Qin Zui didn’t say anything. He just tightened his arms around Jiang Chu.

This bizarre hug lasted until Jiang Chu’s feet were so numb he couldn’t squat anymore, and the two bites of food he’d had for dinner felt like they were about to be squeezed out of his stomach. He reached back and pushed at Qin Zui’s leg, and the kid finally let him go.

Jiang Chu still didn’t turn around. He sat down on the floor with his back to Qin Zui.

He patted his pockets, then said to Qin Zui, “Get me a cigarette.”

Qin Zui got up and went out. Jiang Chu fished the lighter out and clicked it on and off, hearing Qin Zui doing the same in the living room. A moment later, a lit cigarette appeared at his lips.

Jiang Chu frowned, but Qin Zui didn’t give him a chance to refuse, simply pushing the cigarette between his lips.

He finished the cigarette in silence. Then he turned and shuffled over, finding Qin Zui leaning on his elbow on the edge of the bed, staring at him. Jiang Chu froze for a second, then reached out and smacked the back of Qin Zui’s neck. “And you’re striking a pose!”

Qin Zui, probably expecting to get hit anyway, didn’t even try to dodge. He let Jiang Chu’s slap land with a satisfying crack.

“Does it hurt?” he asked softly after being hit.

“What do you think?” Jiang Chu rubbed the back of his own neck, feeling a clear ring of teeth marks. He was a mix of anger and an awkward, unspoken embarrassment. “You didn’t break the skin, did you?”

“No.” Qin Zui thought for a moment, then reached out a hand, not too sure himself, to touch it. Jiang Chu slapped his hand away.

They stared at each other in the dark. Finally, Jiang Chu pointed at Qin Zui and said seriously, “You know that move just now was crossing a line, right?”

“Yeah,” Qin Zui said.

“What the hell is going on in that head of yours?” Jiang Chu was practically baffled. “Since when do you bite people when you’re in a bad mood? Are you really a dog?”

“Sorry,” Qin Zui said.

“This isn’t even about being sorry or not…” Jiang Chu couldn’t find the words to describe how he felt.

He’d wanted Qin Zui to vent. Who knew this was how he was going to do it!

Even if he tried to brush off the biting as ‘venting’, the way Qin Zui’s hand had caressed him with clear desire, and the hardness that had been pressing against his lower back, was definitely not something you could just dismiss as ‘venting’.

“You can’t do that, Qin Zui.” Jiang Chu pressed his lips together, his brow furrowed so tightly it pulled at his temples. “I’m your brother. Do you understand what that ‘brother’ means in terms of our relationship?”

Qin Zui just looked at him and didn’t say anything.

Jiang Chu was very hung up on this. It wasn’t the first time he’d brought up their “brotherly” relationship.

And that left Qin Zui with nothing to say. He didn’t dare say anything.

He didn’t really know what he wanted to do, or what he could do.

He couldn’t even imagine developing a different kind of relationship with Jiang Chu, not when he was being rational.

He was just constantly testing Jiang Chu’s limits, acting on impulse and unable to stop himself.

“Yeah, I’ve been your age too. I know when your emotions are all over the place, things can get… intense.” Jiang Chu kept going when he noticed Qin Zui wasn’t answering.

He recalled the way he’d been pinned down and bitten on the neck, and felt a wave of awkwardness wash over him. “But you need to control yourself! You said it yourself, you need to control this. And this is what you get?”

“Are you going to kick me out?” Qin Zui interrupted him.

“I…!” The question caught Jiang Chu off guard. “No.”

“Not even later?” Qin Zui pressed.

“Not even later,” Jiang Chu said.

On this point, Jiang Chu didn’t want to give Qin Zui empty assurances.

He couldn’t even bring himself to say “If you can’t control yourself, then get the hell out.” You couldn’t use that kind of ‘if you’re not good, I don’t want you anymore’ threat on a kid like Qin Zui, who was way too sensitive and had already been essentially abandoned by his own parents.

Jiang Chu couldn’t bear to use that as a threat.

But saying that kind of boxed him in too.

Since he wouldn’t kick him out anyway, he was just out of options when Qin Zui went off the rails.

Getting Jiang Chu’s guarantee, Qin Zui showed the first genuine smile he’d had all night, since leaving Qin Shuman’s.

A smile lingered at the corners of his mouth. He propped his head on his hand and stared at Jiang Chu for a little longer before tossing out his usual line, “I’ll try.”

“Try my ass. That brain of yours is only good for two ounces of that crap.” Qin Zui was smiling, and Jiang Chu let out a breath of relief. At the same time, he felt a vague sense of dismay. He nudged Qin Zui’s leg with his foot.

Qin Zui realized he liked seeing Jiang Chu at a loss. He sat cross-legged and let Jiang Chu kick him, then casually grabbed Jiang Chu’s ankle, his fingers brushing the edge of his sock.

Jiang Chu batted his wrist away.

This incident passed. Jiang Chu was starting to get cold sitting on the floor. He was about to tell Qin Zui to go put on a jacket when suddenly, a click sounded, and the lights came on.

“Early,” Qin Zui noted, checking the time.

“Even the power company couldn’t stand to watch anymore.” Jiang Chu said.

He squinted as he stood up and wandered into the kitchen to see what he could whip up to eat.

He’d only managed to eat two bites of potato and a sip and a half of soup at Qin Shuman’s. By now, it had probably been completely crushed into mush by the force of Qin Zui’s hug.

“Noodles?” Qin Zui followed him in, washing his hands as he went.

“Sure.” Jiang Chu brought over half a roast duck and a bag of pork ears he’d bought on the way home. They’d been warm when he bought them, but they were getting cold now.

Qin Zui whisked some eggs while waiting for the water to boil. Jiang Chu plated the duck and pork ears, stuck them in the microwave, then went out to grab a cigarette. He leaned against the kitchen doorway and waited with Qin Zui.

The water in the pot began to bubble and gurgle as it approached a boil. The sound seemed to inspire Qin Zui to speak.

He called out to Jiang Chu again. “Bro.”

“Hm?” Jiang Chu was watching the back of his head, cigarette dangling from his lips.

“You were hard too, weren’t you?” Qin Zui said.

Jiang Chu’s body stiffened abruptly.

The microwave beeped, signaling it was done.

Zhou Teng hopped out from behind the TV cabinet. He sniffed the still air, padded over on quiet feet, and sat at the kitchen door, his paws neatly together.