Chapter 10: Marlboro

Gao Rong had insomnia again.

He rarely experienced such restless states. Since his rebirth, sleeping at 11 PM and waking at 7 AM had been his life’s creed.

He believed that a person unable to control their physical health could never hope to control their own life.

This, ironically, was a life lesson Chi Lanyi had taught him to appreciate in his past life.

Gao Rong opened his laptop and started smoking again. This time, he wasn’t smoking Dunhill, but Marlboro Red.

Marlboro Red, the cigarette he loved most at this age in his last life. The classic, tough American flavor—dry and harsh, like ignited sawdust.

In his youth, during his previous life, he was drawn to such stimulating things. Beautiful, dangerous, complex, carrying an inexplicable mystery.

And so, in that past life, after meeting the 22-year-old, sickly Chi Lanyi, he threw himself at him without hesitation. Even when everyone told him Chi Lanyi was scandal-ridden, had bipolar disorder, and that being with him would eventually drag Gao Rong down.

Gao Rong believed in his own abilities, not their words.

Chi Lanyi was fragile yet sharp, sorrowful yet naive. Chi Lanyi was shy, introverted, yet repressed with intensity. Gao Rong loved Chi Lanyi’s hazy eyes, and the brokenness that needed Gao Rong to control and protect.

It wasn’t until later that he understood those people had been right.

For instance, when he broke down the door and found Chi Lanyi eating strangely colored pills, giggling as he lay in the arms of a group of “friends.”

He simply couldn’t control Chi Lanyi.

Chi Lanyi used everything he had to spiral into madness, used everything to destroy all the things Gao Rong had prepared for him.

Chi Lanyi. Gao Rong said in his heart, right now you’re nineteen, you’re in school studying, you haven’t been expelled yet.

And you look very clean, not as crazed as you would become later.

On the computer screen before Gao Rong, Chi Lanyi, wearing a silk shirt, was smiling at the camera. It was a new photo of Chi Lanyi that Gao Rong had hired a detective to obtain. Chi Lanyi wasn’t used to smiling for the camera and looked very constrained.

Gao Rong knew he was talking to Chi Lanyi’s photo again. He knew it was pointless; besides himself, no one could hear the echoes of his heart’s words.

Yet he still stared intently at Chi Lanyi. From Chi Lanyi’s clear eyes, to Chi Lanyi’s slightly parted lips.

—Chi Lanyi liked to kiss during sex. He really, really needed to receive feedback from others during sex, to be seen by others.

Upon realizing his thoughts had drifted to such intimate details, Gao Rong’s face stiffened slightly. He thought again of that night at the bar.

That night, he had sat wordlessly on the carpet beneath Chi Lanyi’s sofa for an entire night.

How was that foolish behavior any different from him sitting here now before his computer, smoking, whispering at Chi Lanyi’s photo?

He forced himself to calm down. Yet in his mind, those people’s definitions of Chi Lanyi echoed again.

There was Gao Xi’s: “That pretty little boy you like.”

The Vice-Chancellor’s: “He is a brilliant and talented student, but one who needs many opportunities and money.”

A teacher’s: “He’s excellent and hardworking, desperately eager to prove himself.”

And, Zou Jun’s.

“He’s a prey very worth hunting, very easy to deceive.”

“Even without me, someone else would have made a move to hunt him.”

The Marlboro between his fingers burned to its end. Gao Rong sat indifferently at his desk, letting the ember scorch his finger, feeling nothing.

The cold light illuminated his face. He dropped the spent cigarette butt into the ashtray.

He reached for the next one, but not from the red Marlboro pack.

Instead, his hand grabbed the platinum-colored pack placed on the other side.

He didn’t use a knife, but his fingers. The sensation of peeling open the Seven Stars pack was like peeling open Chi Lanyi. From fingertip to nail, it scratched over every shyly closed fold.

Amidst the rustling sound, the pack was opened. His fingers delved inside, hooking gently to pull out a white cigarette.

The smoke’s scent was cold and straight, with a clean, minty feel. Strange, Chi Lanyi always loved smoking this kind of cigarette when he was melancholic.

Probably, because this cigarette had a light flavor that could help Chi Lanyi calm himself down, Gao Rong thought indifferently.

Before, Gao Rong had never liked this kind of cigarette. Even when his relationship with Chi Lanyi was at its best, Gao Rong couldn’t appreciate this taste.

After his rebirth, however, Gao Rong had taken up smoking this brand.

Perhaps, the scent that had once been in Chi Lanyi’s mouth appearing in his own wasn’t such a bad thing.

The downpour was torrential. Under the neon lights’ reflection, Gao Rong knew clearly that he was, bit by bit, losing control.

He still hated Chi Lanyi.

He absolutely couldn’t lose control.

Only one thought was subtly colliding with his resilient nerves. It whispered softly that unless he could achieve complete control over the situation…

Otherwise, he would loathe himself—if he were dragged into the mire by Chi Lanyi just like in his previous life.

Gao Rong pressed his palm against the white cigarette pack. Suddenly, a twisted thought emerged, and it grew increasingly intense.

What if he could obtain and control the 19-year-old Chi Lanyi, make Chi Lanyi keep the parts he liked and change the parts he hated? Then, could Chi Lanyi always remain the type he liked most?

If he succeeded in this life, could he obtain the most perfect possession?

If, if… in this life, would he have the chance to spend the rest of his life with Chi Lanyi?

Gao Rong squeezed the cigarette pack tightly. He suddenly felt excited, as if the world before his eyes had color again. Almost at the same moment this thought arose, he had already begun planning his approach to Chi Lanyi.

And quickly found a breakthrough.

—Chi Lanyi had a smoking addiction. A week had passed; Chi Lanyi would eventually go to that Asian store to buy cigarettes.

…

Chi Lanyi wanted to pretend nothing had happened.

He put on a shirt, a sweater—all loose fabrics that wouldn’t irritate his skin. They were very soft, able to soothe his overly sensitive nerves, perfect for him during this period.

Thus, Chi Lanyi could don new armor and reappear among his classmates.

Renault had resigned in disgrace. The “scandal” surrounding Chi Lanyi was therefore brushed aside. The center of everyone’s discussion became that mysterious “Spring Camp” student.

Spring Camp, Chinese. Someone dug up that the student’s surname was Gao, saying that in Europe, he was a somewhat well-known pianist.

Some even came to Chi Lanyi to inquire, wondering if he, once in the eye of the public opinion storm, knew more insider details. In response, Chi Lanyi was merely cold and indifferent, saying he knew absolutely nothing about these matters.

Even occasionally, he would still hear some idle gossip. Someone jealously said that just because Renault and that Spring Camp student had a relationship didn’t mean he and Chi Lanyi didn’t. Otherwise, how could Chi Lanyi, only a sophomore, be developing so smoothly?

Chi Lanyi didn’t want to pay them any mind. People had their own eyes; his talent didn’t need these people to judge it.

His worries, his spirit—there was no room to spare for things that would drain him.

“Chi Lanyi, are you going to participate in that competition in May?”

In the restaurant, Chi Lanyi looked up, bewildered.

The person beside him, seeing his reaction, laughed: “Zoned out again. Look at him, he’s definitely participating. Chi Lanyi has never missed a single opportunity to win a gold medal.”

“Fine.” The one who asked shrugged. “We few seniors are about to graduate. We finally managed to get everyone together for a farewell gathering before leaving, and there you are, spacing out thinking about your own stuff again.”

Chi Lanyi smiled apologetically, but his eyes involuntarily drifted to the one who had asked, and he couldn’t help but frown slightly.

If it were him, he would never pair such a gaudy silk scarf with a distressed leather jacket.

The one who brought Chi Lanyi to socialize was an international student in the same major. June was graduation season. Although it was only the end of April now, most people had already secured their next steps, leaving school early for internships around the world, each going their separate ways.

Chi Lanyi’s talent was outstanding; he had already won a pile of awards as a sophomore. So these people really liked inviting him out for meals. Yet Chi Lanyi found it very difficult to concentrate on such mundane conversations. He appeared to be listening obediently, but his mind was entirely filled with the leather jacket on the person opposite him, fantasizing about how it should look after he remade it.

Another dish arrived. As the waiter approached, Chi Lanyi subconsciously dodged any contact with him.

The waiter gave him a strange look. Chi Lanyi pursed his lips. He smelled the waiter’s overly strong body odor and the perfume that absolutely did not match it, feeling his palms sweating.

Just finish eating quickly.

He just wanted to go back quickly and work on his dress. His studio was quiet, beautiful, with a strict aesthetic order, completely different from these chaotic restaurants.

Until someone asked: “Speaking of which, where’s Zou Jun? Haven’t seen him in ages.”

Chi Lanyi, who had been absent-minded, stiffened abruptly.

The person beside him said: “Huh? You know him? He’s not in the same circle as us students.”

“That guy’s a famous social butterfly, he actively added me on WeChat before… and my roommate too. He wants to network with everyone. Before, he was throwing parties with off-campus students every day, but he hasn’t shown up recently. It’s really strange.”

“Seems like he got beaten up and is in the hospital recovering.”

“How’d he get beaten?”

“A man who walks by the river will eventually get his shoes wet. I heard he was hooking up with some taken pretty boy and got beaten up by the pretty boy’s boyfriend.”

Chi Lanyi hastily drank his wine. But someone just had to turn and ask him: “Right, Chi Lanyi, do you know him? Before, Zou Jun said he always wanted to get to know you…”

“I’m going to the restroom.”

Chi Lanyi said.

He made an excuse and hurried towards the restroom. Chi Lanyi knew that right now, his appearance was too much like a frantic escape.

But just hearing Zou Jun’s name was enough to make him resistant and nauseous.

Yet the restroom wasn’t a safe haven either. Chi Lanyi washed his hands at the sink, uncontrollably thinking again about matters related to the bar, and also about those eyes in the restroom.

Calm, assertive.

Completely unlike his own chaotic and fragile self in life.

Unknowingly, his hands were washed red again. Ten minutes later, someone sent him a message: “Chi Lanyi, are you still in the bathroom? We’ve all finished eating.”

“Oh… sorry…”

“Brother Zhu paid the bill. We’re going to karaoke for the next round, coming?”

“I’ll pass.” Chi Lanyi shook his head. “You guys go.”

Soon, he felt a bit ridiculous. While replying to the WeChat message, he even shook his head at the empty air.

He clearly shouldn’t be doing such things at a time like this. He tried to use physical gestures to make himself seem less stiff in daily interactions, but what he ended up achieving was always such superfluous actions.

It was 8 PM now, a bit too early to go back to the apartment. Chi Lanyi looked down at his reddened, slightly trembling hands, realizing he should find something to calm himself down.

He had to forget Zou Jun, forget those eyes. Thinking it over, smoking was still the most suitable option.

He always used tobacco and alcohol to comfort his escapism and depression. Chi Lanyi pessimistically felt that he would probably be like this for his entire life.

Following his phone’s GPS, Chi Lanyi slowly arrived at the familiar Asian supermarket. The Asian owner, who hadn’t seen him in a while, beamed upon seeing him: “Little Hottie, you came? Still buying cigarettes?”

Chi Lanyi nodded. The owner sighed and said: “You came at a bad time, oh. That brand you usually smoke is sold out.”

“Sold out?” Chi Lanyi didn’t understand.

“Yeah, yeah, recently there’s been a big client—drives a Maybach, buys a whole bunch at once. He’s a tall, big hottie too.” The owner said, “Just his expression is always very cold, like someone owes him millions.”

For some reason, a ridiculous association popped into Chi Lanyi’s mind.

Those sharp eyes appeared in his mind again.

He must be overthinking. How could there be such a coincidence in the world? While Chi Lanyi was still dazed, the owner said: “Want to try something else? This LEJIA Blue also has a very light flavor, suits you very well.”

Chi Lanyi looked at the unfamiliar LEJIA Blue, slightly hesitant.

“Then… give me two packs.” He said softly.

All the Seven Stars were sold out.

Could it be that mysterious rich person bought every single flavor of Seven Stars? The original flavor too, the menthol too, the ones with the crush ball too?

It was almost as if someone was deliberately snatching his cigarettes away.

Chi Lanyi thought absently, picking up the packs to leave. The owner suddenly said: “Seven Stars Hottie, you came?”

Footsteps, the sound of the door being pushed open, and the accompanying doorbell chime. Chi Lanyi kept his head down, just wanting to get out of the supermarket quickly.

Until a wave of oud fragrance drifted into his nostrils.

Chi Lanyi froze.

In that moment, he felt himself being frozen again. White frost clung to his spine; every drop of blood in his veins couldn’t find an exit to flee.

He saw the reflection in the glass. In the reflection, a pair of eyes, upon entering this small shop, first paused, as if unable to believe he was actually there.

And then, sharply locked onto him.

It was still that pair of cold, assertive eyes.

Chi Lanyi felt numb all over.

He thought, the owner of these eyes surely didn’t know that for the past few days, these eyes had been constantly appearing in his nightmares.

—And always in scenes even more wretched than that night, staring at him intensely.