Chapter 28: “Yes.” Part 2

He was being held by Gao Rong. One of Gao Rong’s hands pressed against his waist, the other was pillowed under his head. The man who had lost control and broken down last night was breathing steadily, probably still asleep. Chi Lanyi didn’t disturb him. He stared at the swaying curtains, thinking about last night. The Gao Rong of last night was so different from the one he’d imagined. Whether it was the devouring kiss, the aggressive loss of control, or the collapse like a stone statue crumbling. Chi Lanyi felt all of it had severely shaken his image of Gao Rong as calm, precise, and steady. He had always thought Gao Rong would forever be composed and reliable.

Why had he provoked such intense emotion in him? Was it something he did? Thinking about it, unease crept back into his heart. But soon, he felt he shouldn’t think this way. Wasn’t the Chi Lanyi others saw very different from the Chi Lanyi his lover saw? To others, he was shy, introverted, closed off. But in front of Gao Rong, he often broke down, got anxious, and sometimes acted like an overly naive child. So it was fine for Gao Rong to get a little emotional in front of him. Maybe every couple had moments of “excess” with each other.

And besides… Chi Lanyi closed his eyes. He secretly placed his hand over Gao Rong’s, feeling the weight of his hold on him. Gao Rong was holding him. He had apologized for the outburst. So everything was fine, everything was normal.

He didn’t notice that when he laid his palm down, Gao Rong’s breathing hitched slightly. As if he hadn’t actually slept the entire night. He had just been holding him, maintaining the posture of sleep, while deep in his soul, he was alert for any hint that Chi Lanyi wanted to flee. Now, he was awake. He wasn’t getting up, just staring at the curtains, lost in who-knows-what thoughts. Gao Rong knew he should wake up too.

“Morning,” he said. Chi Lanyi’s body trembled slightly. Like a child caught doing something naughty, he tried to pull his hand away. But Gao Rong’s large, warm palm held it firmly. Held by that strong, steady hand, Chi Lanyi softened. A feeling of having found his anchor again washed over him. He also said, “Morning.” His voice was very soft, like using words to embrace each other.

They stayed hand in hand for a while, until Gao Rong’s other arm slid under Chi Lanyi’s waist and pulled him into a gentle embrace. “Did you sleep well last night?” It was as if last night’s storm had never happened. Chi Lanyi nodded. “Pretty well.” Actually, it was a lie. He’d had chaotic dreams all night, and woke still thinking about that strange kiss. As if afraid of being caught in the lie, he added, “And you?”

“Very well,” Gao Rong said. He buried his chin in the crook of Chi Lanyi’s shoulder. His warm breath puffed against Chi Lanyi’s sensitive neck, ticklish and numbing. Soon, Chi Lanyi’s breathing quickened. He turned in Gao Rong’s arms, and Gao Rong, looking into his eyes, seemed as if he had been waiting. The two of them embraced in the morning light, kissing. This time, the long kiss was tender, lingering, almost melting them together.

Amidst the sounds of lips, tongue, and water, Chi Lanyi gradually grew hot. His palm unconsciously pressed against Gao Rong’s chest, impossible to tell if it was a shy push or an eager invitation. Gao Rong held him with one arm, the other hand stroking his spine—like petting a soft cat. Chi Lanyi felt his tail curling up; he was practically melting under Gao Rong’s touch. He tilted his chin up slightly, making it easier for him to deepen the kiss, even as wet saliva began to trail from the corner of his lips. Gao Rong blew hot breath, laden with male pheromones, into his body. The tingling, numbing sensation in Chi Lanyi’s brain gradually transformed into a fireball, sinking downward. Soon, they would cross the line.

But abruptly, he remembered last night. The way Gao Rong had pinned him down roughly, so urgent, so wild, yet seemingly not driven by pure desire for him. Chi Lanyi stiffened. And quickly realized Gao Rong had noticed too. He didn’t get angry, just stroked his back one last time, as if continually comforting him. “Don’t worry. Before you’re ready, I won’t take you.”

“…”

“Go wash up first.”

Chi Lanyi felt a little ashamed again. He sat up from his arms, yet still looked at him with pleading eyes. Seeing this, a faint smile curled on Gao Rong’s stern lips. He sat up and pinched his chin. “Still very eager?”

“…I, I wasn’t…” He wanted to say he wasn’t “very” eager, but the teasing made him too shy. Besides, he was still a little anxious, not wanting Gao Rong to think he was afraid of him. “We’ll talk about it tonight. I know you’re not ready yet,” Gao Rong said. “From now on, we have plenty of time.”

Chi Lanyi felt as if a great weight had been lifted. He didn’t know if it was the “letting him go” or the “plenty of time from now on” that made him happy. His steps toward the bathroom were almost buoyant. Before entering the door, he glanced back. Gao Rong sat on the bed, watching him. The man’s collar hung open, the muscles of his chest beneath strong and sexy, full of the assertive, wild charm of a mature man. Chi Lanyi’s face reddened again. He dodged his gaze and entered to wash up.

In the mirror, his lips were red and swollen. He lifted his sleepwear and saw red marks on his waist too. These signs of intimacy made him even less able to face himself. He quickly washed his face and brushed his teeth, uneasily wondering why, even after already being with him once, he was still so shy about this.

When he came out, Gao Rong was tidying the bed. The messy throw pillows on the sofa from last night had also been straightened. The entire room was restored to its clean, orderly state. The curtains were opened, bright daylight pouring in. Chi Lanyi looked at the world before him, finding it clean and beautiful. There was stability and order that could be restored at any moment, there was beauty and cleanliness, and there was Gao Rong, who loved him.

Gao Rong also went to wash up. Chi Lanyi walked to the window, enjoying the breeze on his face. In that moment, the scent of each blade of grass was so clear and sweet. Every ray of sunlight was soft, warmly lighting his skin. The sun shone on him, and for a moment, he couldn’t tell if the world had become gentler, or if he was dreaming.

Hearing Gao Rong finish, Chi Lanyi hurriedly turned. He felt the surge of emotion that had brought tears to his eyes was too intense; he didn’t want Gao Rong to ask what he was thinking. It was far too difficult to express. Luckily, Gao Rong saw his reddened eyes but didn’t press, just said, “Come on, let’s go downstairs for breakfast.”

Chi Lanyi followed him down. Each step felt like stepping on clouds. Secretly, he even walked in the exact spots Gao Rong had stepped, feeling like a little kitten learning to walk like a human. Downstairs, servants were quietly cleaning, but Gao Rong turned into the kitchen himself. The semi-open kitchen had a pass-through window, just like a street-side café. For a moment, he didn’t know if he should go in too. But Gao Rong leaned on the counter first, like a barista, and asked, “What do you want to eat?”

“I’d like to eat…” He was startled mid-sentence. “You’re cooking?”

“Mm. Just tell me what you want.” Another little tug at his heart. The scene felt so beautifully mundane, exactly like the private, intimate moments between two people he’d only dreamed of.

But wait, wouldn’t his cooking be terrible? He didn’t look like someone who cooked often. After thinking for a moment, Chi Lanyi asked in a small voice, “What can you make?”

“Anything,” Gao Rong said seriously.

Chi Lanyi was stunned. After a beat, he said flatly, “No way.”

Gao Rong raised an eyebrow. “You don’t believe me?” The words carried a hint of cold threat. It didn’t faze him. He just thought, I really don’t believe you. Finally, he said, “I want a fried egg… and some milk. And toast, if possible.” All the simplest things.

At his simple answer, Gao Rong’s brow arched again. But he didn’t say anything, just replied, “Sit. No need to stand.” So he sat at the counter. Looking at the walnut plank extending outward, he started worrying whether the egg would be burnt or the toast blackened. Amidst his silent fretting, he secretly watched his back. Gao Rong bustled in the kitchen with practiced efficiency, not like someone unused to doing things. A ray of sunlight shone through the window, landing right on his shoulder. Watching that warmly lit, almost gilded figure, a sudden, warm urge to cry overwhelmed Chi Lanyi again. He had never been this happy in a “home.” And this, this was exactly like the mornings real couples had, the ones he’d always imagined. Two people, a spacious table, a bright kitchen, tasteful décor, and the trivial little things surrounding them—the most ordinary, warmest daily life.

Gao Rong placed the fried egg and toasted bread before him, along with fried bacon, potatoes, and cut fruit. Bright red strawberries clustered with blueberries—very beautiful. He sat beside him with his own portion, pulling out a chair and naturally eating there. He didn’t deliberately ask him to try anything, just pushed the food toward him, as if to say eating it or not was entirely his freedom. In that moment, Chi Lanyi felt an intense, enveloping happiness. Maybe last night’s unease really was just him overthinking. Maybe Gao Rong’s crazed possessiveness was just a man’s nature in bed.

The morning light was so beautiful, falling fairly on both of them. He bit into the fried egg, then held a strawberry between his lips. The strawberry was sweet. The egg was fried perfectly, with just the right amount of salt. Holding the strawberry, Chi Lanyi secretly reached out to touch Gao Rong’s fingers. And it just so happened that Gao Rong turned to look at him at that exact moment. Their eyes met in mid-air. Behind them, the lilies in the glass vase bloomed perfectly. In that instant, Chi Lanyi almost fully believed. Whatever the future held, at least this moment, the happiness he felt was completely real. It was real life, a real morning, a real strawberry. And in the moment their eyes met, the gentle, steady love in Gao Rong’s eyes was also real.

Perhaps because the feeling of happiness was too intense, electric currents zipped through his brain, every “zap” a bright spark. He quickly withdrew his fingers and threw out a question to seem natural. “How come you know how to cook?”

“Living alone for a long time, you learn,” Gao Rong said.

“I thought you’d been waited on by servants your whole life,” he said. Gao Rong smiled lightly. “There always comes a time when you need to take care of someone… take care of yourself.”

“‘Take care of someone’?” Chi Lanyi caught those three words keenly. He turned to look at him. And at the same moment, Gao Rong took his hand and kissed his fingertip. It was precisely the hand he’d secretly reached out with moments ago. “Take care of you,” Gao Rong said slowly. “From start to finish, only you.”

He felt the capillaries in his fingers expanding. Held by his hand, he barely knew how to finish this meal. And Gao Rong continued, “Last night, I scared you.”