Chapter 28: “Yes.” Part 3

“It’s fine,” he said quickly. He didn’t want this issue to ruin the current mood, just wanted it swiftly glossed over. But Gao Rong went on, sincerely, “I didn’t mean to. I just momentarily… lost control.” His eyes were very earnest. “I’m used to controlling everything before me—from my family, to my company. So with a lover, I also have moments where I can’t control my desires. I know that’s terrifying for you.” He paused. “So, I have to admit this to you. But please believe me, I have no ill intentions. And… I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”

Chi Lanyi was stunned. Gao Rong looked so sincere, so genuine in his apology. He almost instantly grasped from his eyes that Gao Rong had absolutely never done this for anyone else. He would only apologize this seriously to him. And suddenly, his heart softened completely. He almost wanted to immediately return to the bedroom, ideally pulling his hand and making him come upstairs with him. Then he’d lie on the bed, take off his own clothes, and tell him he didn’t care at all. He could do it right now.

His own imagination startled him, his face burning red. He mumbled, “I know you didn’t mean it…” Then added, “I wasn’t scared…”

“Mm.” Gao Rong smiled. “I’ll be more careful from now on.” He lowered his head and kissed his finger again—this time, the ring finger. The one everyone considered most suitable for a wedding ring. Tap. The moment of the kiss, Chi Lanyi felt captured, like by a ring. “Eat a bit more,” Gao Rong said. “The egg will get cold.” His lashes trembled. In that moment, he also wanted to lean down and kiss his ring finger. Even though in the end, he was too shy to do it. But the moment felt so perfect. Sunlight, strawberries, two people sitting and eating together, a ring finger kissed. In that moment, Chi Lanyi thought, he wanted many, many mornings just like this.

After breakfast, Chi Lanyi clumsily tried to go into the kitchen to clear the dishes, only to be shooed out. Gao Rong casually placed the dishes in the dishwasher and asked, “What are your plans for today?”

“I’d like to… go to the studio and do some assignments.”

“Alright. I have some work to handle too.” If he couldn’t help with dishes, at least he could get the dishwasher pod. He crouched down to reach for it. This time too, he was stopped. “It’s corrosive. Don’t touch it.”

“…It can’t be that dangerous. Otherwise, no one would use it,” he mumbled. But Gao Rong was still holding his wrist, not letting go. “Your skin is sensitive. If the protective film accidentally breaks and you get blisters, it’ll hinder you from touching those fabrics.” Compared to “I don’t want you doing chores,” this was a reason that moved him far more. He stood up again, watching him start the dishwasher, his heart thumping. Why could Gao Rong always hit the mark so precisely, moving him beyond words?

“What’s up? Why are you looking at me?” As if he had eyes in the back of his head, Gao Rong asked.

“Nothing…” He said hurriedly, “I’m going to the studio.” He turned and walked away quickly, his escape almost devoid of his usual grace. Gao Rong turned, smiling at his retreating figure.

Finally sitting down in the studio, the vast space inside Gao Rong’s mansion, almost his personal fantasy castle, Chi Lanyi nestled among the fabrics, needle and thread in hand, trying to concentrate on his coursework. But he found it very hard to focus. He kept thinking about this morning. The gentle kisses in bed. The sweet breakfast in the kitchen. Gao Rong stopping him from getting the dishwasher pod, and what he’d said. He kept thinking about him.

Fang Heng said he relied on him too much, that their relationship was unhealthy. But before meeting Gao Rong, every day he wanted to hide himself, suppressing everything, wanting to quietly annihilate himself or elegantly disappear. Now, every day was brand new, every day was good. He could fully reveal his wounds, weave his frantic passion into flowers. All of it, because Gao Rong existed.

Chi Lanyi put down the needle and thread. He sat at the drawing desk and began sketching his Design Sketches with a pencil. Coursework to submit, the Atelier Rivière exhibition to prepare for, 12 looks for the Incubator Project, other competitions. He had far too much to do. But now, he didn’t feel oppressed or pained. He was urgently curious to see how his designs would change. He wanted to know what aesthetic direction his love with Gao Rong would lead him. He wanted to know if this version of himself could do even better in design.

In another wing of the villa, Gao Rong also sat down in his study. He turned on his computer but didn’t immediately open his work emails. Instead, he clicked a hidden icon on the desktop. Inside the hidden icon was the surveillance system for the entire villa. Dozens of camera feeds covered every aspect of the mansion. The four cameras assigned to the studio showed Chi Lanyi. He was drawing, every movement clearly visible under the high-definition monitors. Sunlight fell on his hair, making him look pure and beautiful, like a Freesia after rain.

Gao Rong watched him quietly. After fifteen years, he had finally met Chi Lanyi again, finally become lovers with him again. He no longer needed to smoke pack after pack of the same cigarettes Chi Lanyi smoked, talking to a photo on a screen. Everything was under his control. This time, he would make no more mistakes, wouldn’t let him leave. He would make Chi Lanyi feel he was reliable, experience the tenderness beneath his cold facade, and ultimately become deeply enamored with the life he could provide. And thereafter, trapped within it. He would drown in the sweet pond shaped by his hands. He would sink, but would never, ever want to escape. And he, too, would hold him in this pond, sinking together with him.

…

Chi Lanyi stayed at the villa for several days. He spent the entire weekend there without going out—either in his studio or in Gao Rong’s room. Every night, they slept in each other’s arms. Even though Gao Rong, as he promised, didn’t want to scare him again and they didn’t have sex, he still kissed him tenderly, giving him good morning and good night kisses. Every day, Chi Lanyi created in the studio. He never felt so good. He was full of energy, creativity sprouting like flames. Even if the courses and competitions didn’t require it, he produced one beautiful, brilliant design sketch after another. Some were garments, some small accessories. Even among them was a pair of Couple Rings. The lines of the rings flowed like rain; the embedded gems were like eyes, or like bright strawberries. He looked at it again and again, ultimately hiding it deep in a drawer. He wasn’t ready to let anyone see them, not even Gao Rong.

Gao Rong would always remind him to come out for meals when he was absorbed in his work. At the table, they enjoyed the food, and then he would ask what he worked on in the studio. Chi Lanyi would always answer. And he discovered, to his pleasant surprise, that Gao Rong completely understood him. Perhaps not with the professional depth of a master in design aesthetics, but he could always offer practical, effective advice on his designs and the aesthetic principles he followed. Gao Rong even understood the “wound aesthetics” he was once obsessed with. He objectively stated his own feelings on this style, which was too intense for the general public, without judgment, just personal opinion. And in the end, he encouraged him to develop his own aesthetic system.

“You’ve already reached a high technical level. What you need most now is to be yourself. You don’t need to be the next McQueen, the next John Galliano, the next Ann Demeulemeester or Yves Saint Laurent… no matter how great they are. You just need to be yourself.”

Chi Lanyi was stunned by his thoughtfulness and understanding. After a long while, he found himself uttering that question involuntarily. “Then… how do I become myself?”

Gao Rong took his ring finger and kissed it again. Under the lamplight, his handsome face made his heart race. “Feel your feelings, love what you love, express them—whether it looks beautiful, or painful,” Gao Rong said. “Then, you are yourself.”

Chi Lanyi’s heart surged with emotion. He felt dizzy, almost seeing the scene of himself bowing to the audience at a fashion show. After a moment, he seemed to remember something. A little awkward, a little embarrassed, and a little hopeful, he whispered to him, “Do you think I can succeed?” He spoke. This was practically the most difficult question he’d ever forced from his throat—posed to a powerful, cold man who had achieved immense success in business, a question that felt less artistically lofty, less aloof. He wanted to know, in the eyes of a successful businessman like Gao Rong, whether he could achieve success in the market.

To his hesitation, Gao Rong just smiled. Then, decisively, he said, “You will. Chi Lanyi, I can see your success. Crowds of people will flock to buy your designs. Even the designs you made a decade ago, they will be considered classics a decade later. You will succeed.”

Chi Lanyi felt his eyes redden again. He tried hard to smile but ended up with an expression closer to tears. He truly dared not imagine this was real. Someone as negative as him could actually live this happily.

After dinner, they watched a movie together in the mansion’s screening room. He picked a fashion film—though it felt more like a documentary about the designer himself. As he watched, tears fell. He stared blankly at the screen until the white light made the teardrops on his cheeks glint like diamonds. Gao Rong reached out to wipe away his tears, but he grabbed his wrist. “Is this moment real?” He heard him ask softly.

Gao Rong simply nodded and said, “Yes.”

Chi Lanyi held his wrist. He didn’t let him wipe away his tears. Instead, he leaned in and kissed him. When the kiss ended, he said, “The movie says that designer and his boyfriend loved each other for a lifetime. They supported each other in business, walked through life together. But in their lifetime, I also saw a lot of pain, a lot of disagreement and chaos.” He paused. “I hope we won’t be like that.”

Gao Rong smiled and pulled him into his arms, gently rubbing the back of his neck. “Of course, we won’t.” Whether past life or present. He thought coldly to himself. In the past life, they ended up far worse than the lovers in that movie. Eventually, they divorced; one went mad, the other died. In this life, he wouldn’t give him the chance to escape.

Poor Chi Lanyi, still moved by the story in the film. Gao Rong stroked his head rhythmically. Abruptly, a trace of pity for Chi Lanyi stirred in him. Perhaps pity for Chi Lanyi being deceived by him. Perhaps a pitying tenderness for the tears he shed at this moment. Or perhaps, it was because Chi Lanyi, curled up in his arms, was truly fragile and beautiful. Watching his soft, tear-filled eyes, Gao Rong heard his own heart sigh softly. In that moment, looking at the prey in his grasp, his emotions were complex. And he once again wanted to lean down and kiss him tenderly.