Somehow, Gu Xiaodeng’s heart was profoundly calm.
His mood was like a bucket that had been dangling in a deep well finally falling. He’d thought it was a water well, expecting it to smash against the surface and send water splintering everywhere. He never imagined it was just a dry well. The bucket fell and that was that. It was sturdier than he’d ever thought, unbroken and undamaged.
It merely let out a “thud,” echoing for a long, long time.
No matter how oblivious he was, he couldn’t ignore the clues woven into his upbringing. Feng’en and Feng Huan taught him the Arts of the Bedchamber—between men, and between men and women. He didn’t want to listen, but he had no power to close his ears.
They were raising him to be a bed partner. In this era, power, sex, and desire were tightly intertwined. Perhaps in their view, the closer he was to a noble, the more power or resources he would gain, and the power he obtained should feed back into the Gu Family, an offering to be handed over.
He was raised to serve others with his beauty. He couldn’t really complain. His eldest sister before him had already done the same. This was the rule of this place. He had to forge himself into a tool suitable for others to use.
And now, they were going to give him to the Second Prince, Gao Mingqian, for that purpose.
Gu Xiaodeng understood, to some extent, why they had An Ruoyi summon him while she was sick. Facing his emaciated, ailing birth mother, he simply couldn’t muster any anger.
He wanted to tuck in the edge of An Ruoyi’s blanket. “You rest first. Let Royal Father and Second Sister come talk to me, okay? It would be even better if Jinyu were here. We could just discuss it.”
“It was discussed long ago.” An Ruoyi’s thin hand fell upon his shoulder. “Your Royal Father and Second Sister are both busy. It’s enough for me to tell you. Jinyu being here would be no different. At the earliest, next month; at the latest, the winter solstice. During this time, you will move to West Prosperity Garden. If there’s anything you don’t understand, ask again and again, learn again and again. Do you understand?”
Gu Xiaodeng pulled her hand down, holding it in his own until it was warm. After a long while, he asked quietly, “Mother Consort, just how early was this arranged?”
An Ruoyi’s reply was circuitous. “The Second Prince favors beauties who wear Double Ear Beads.”
Gu Xiaodeng stared blankly for a moment, remembering his earliest days at the Gu Family. Gu Jinyu had just become a study companion to the Crown Princess. Soon after, his sworn brother told him something: the engagement between his second sister, Gu Ruhui, and the Second Prince, Gao Mingqian, was annulled. The Crown Princess had interfered, forbidding the Gu Family from associating with both imperial heirs.
His Double Earholes had been pierced not long after that. Could it be that because Gu Ruhui’s official wife match was useless, they thought to substitute a concubine match?
Gu Xiaodeng’s heart felt as if a blunt knife was sawing across it. If that were truly the case, it was far too early.
“Mother Consort, I don’t understand.” He gathered her pulse in his hand and looked up at her, confusion outweighing his sorrow. “Jinyu is on the Eastern Palace’s side. Why do you still want to connect with that Second Prince? Aren’t these two factions irreconcilable? You should either stand with no one. How can you, like this, send Jinyu to the Eastern Palace, and send a Second Sister or me to the Second Prince?”
An Ruoyi began to cough. Gu Xiaodeng sat at the head of the bed, massaging her acupoints. Her breathing quickly smoothed. She looked at him with deep, dark eyes for a few moments before lowering her gaze to answer. “Your Royal Father is a loyal minister of the Imperial Family. For the country, he wants to pacify the Northern Frontier. For the court, he relieves the Gao clan’s worries.”
Gu Xiaodeng listened quietly, responding occasionally, gently patting her shoulder and back as if he were the parent.
He listened to An Ruoyi’s slow, detailed explanation. There was some repetition, but he listened intently to every sentence. Such opportunities for intimate conversation had been rare before, and clearly, they would only become rarer. He earnestly absorbed their great cause and grand strategy, so earnestly that he avoided his own small feelings and personal world.
In An Ruoyi’s confession, the Gu Family was like a rubber band pulling on the two imperial factions. The Eastern Palace had the staunch support of the Su and Yue Clans. The Second Prince had the Guan and Ge Families as his staunch backing. Whichever faction Gu Yan sided with at this moment would topple the other. The current Emperor, though not yet advanced in years, was already in decline. What he wished for least was his children leading thousands to build calamity within the inner walls. Looking across the entire court, the one who could loyally balance the two parties and maintain the Gao clan’s peace was Gu Yan, the Prince Zhenbei.
Gu Yan could let Gu Jinyu work for the Crown Princess, Gao Mingshi. He could also let Gu Ruhui serve the Second Prince as wife and minister. What the current Emperor promised him was approval for him and Gu Pinghan to one day lead troops out of the border, suppress the Northern Rong, and reclaim the entirety of Hanzhou.
Gu Xiaodeng was an appetizer sent along as a freebie, and also a shackle to make the Emperor completely at ease with the Gu Family.
“Your Royal Father has already privately confessed his crime to His Majesty the Emperor, truthfully informing him of the identity swap between you and Jinyu.”
When Gu Xiaodeng heard An Ruoyi say this, the stagnant water of his heart finally rippled. “Then isn’t the Gu Family guilty of deceiving the sovereign, a capital offense?”
“Yes.” An Ruoyi coughed lightly again. “Your Royal Father used this weak point to plead for orders, gaining His Majesty the Emperor’s commendation. The clan-exterminating edict for deceiving the sovereign did not descend. Instead, he was given three Gold Medals of Exemption from Death. In the future, whether the Crown Princess or the Second Prince ascends, the Gu Family can preserve its greater whole. But His Majesty the Emperor’s meaning is: there is no need for a grand, public announcement. The Imperial Family knows, the Gu Family knows. The Imperial Family doesn’t pursue the subject’s deception, and the subject continues to relieve the Imperial Family of its worries and troubles. That is enough.”
The ripples in Gu Xiaodeng’s Mind Sea returned to stagnant water. “Oh.”
So he was always the Gu Family’s Cousin Young Master… the Cousin Young Master who was to become a Servant Concubine.
An Ruoyi was silent for a moment. “Shanqing, is there nothing you want to ask?”
Gu Xiaodeng held her delicate, thin wrist, dazed for a moment, and then asked her in return. “Mother Consort, back when Eldest Sister was sent to the Northern Border for a marriage alliance with the Foreign Tribe, how old was she? Older or younger than me? Her marriage alliance, it was also ordered by the Emperor and Royal Father compromised, wasn’t it?”
An Ruoyi’s face, which had just regained a little color, rapidly paled.
Gu Xiaodeng sensed her many subtle emotions. He took care of her, yet asked her bluntly without avoidance. “You actually want to ask me if I resent you, right? If Royal Father were telling me this now, I would want to hit him. If I couldn’t beat him, I’d curse him anyway, even if it meant being thrown into the confinement room. He’s a great loyal minister. Let him try becoming the Imperial Family’s wife or concubine. But he had you come tell me. You, sick like this, come tell me. I can’t feel resentment.”
“Mother Consort, what about you? Do you resent him? Do you hate the Imperial Family?”
“Every year, you fall ill around the death anniversaries of the An Family. The Imperial Family decreed the confiscation of your home. Since then, only your youngest uncle is connected to you by blood. You obtained Royal Father’s rescue. Many years have passed, yet your hatred hasn’t been worn away. Looking at the benefactor and enemy at your bedside, covering your mouth together, do you ever wonder, in some moment, whether the one beside your pillow is truly a benefactor, or an enemy…”
Before he could finish, An Ruoyi interrupted him.
Gu Xiaodeng didn’t touch his own face, just lowered his head and said softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tear at your scars. I wanted to know what your love and hatred feel like, how you’ve reconciled yourself all this time. Your heart’s ailment has lasted twenty years. It accumulated like this, into the haggardness you suffer today.”
An Ruoyi’s hand trembled for a good while before she spoke. “Your skill at taking care of people, is that a habit you picked up following Su Mingya?”
Gu Xiaodeng blinked, staring blankly in a daze. It was better not to mention him. Once mentioned, he couldn’t help but think of him.
If Su Mingya knew the Gu Family’s arrangement, would he try to think of a way out for him?
An Ruoyi’s pale hand stroked his cheek where a handprint was emerging. “Shanqing, listen to me. However much you and the Su family’s Mingya overstep boundaries, your Mother Consort can’t control it, and so won’t try. But when you enter the Second Prince’s residence in the future, you must understand propriety.”
Gu Xiaodeng’s eyes belatedly grew moist. He merely stayed silent and still.
“Also, regarding the Guan family members besides the Second Prince, your Mother Consort does not want to see you interacting closely with them anymore.”
Gu Xiaodeng’s eyelids were red. “Why is that?”
An Ruoyi tightened her grip on his shoulder, enunciating each word. “My An Family was slaughtered, exiled, and forced into the Official Kiln, all because of false accusations by the Guan family. I never told you before. I feared you were too naive and young, not understanding propriety. Now that you’ve grown up, you must remember your Mother Consort’s words. If I, in my remaining years, cannot see the Guan family’s entire clan slaughtered… I will certainly not rest in peace.”
A buzzing filled Gu Xiaodeng’s mind. The hatred that suddenly erupted from An Ruoyi was too thick. He couldn’t break free from it for a long time.
He didn’t understand. Wasn’t it the Ge Family that had the old grudge with the An Family?
Jinyu had pointed that out to him very early on.
It wasn’t until he stepped out of An Ruoyi’s sickroom that Gu Xiaodeng, descending the steps, felt his knee buckle. He nearly stumbled and fell, but was supported by Gu Ruhui, who had been waiting nearby.
Gu Xiaodeng suddenly understood.
Gu Jinyu had lied to him.
Gu Jinyu had made him get close to Guan Yunji. Every time he grew closer to a Guan family member, it reached An Ruoyi’s ears, and her disgust for him deepened by an inch.
Even Gu Jinyu played him.
Gu Xiaodeng didn’t want to move to West Prosperity Garden. He still returned to East Forest Garden, to his dwelling in the Student Courtyard of Vast Marsh Academy. The Gu Family sent people over, forbidding him from running around, dressing as book servants and surrounding his cottage. Even at this time, this private academy remained too peaceful and serene, as if untouched by the storms outside.
As long as one was a monk for a day, one tolled the bell. As long as one was a student for a day, one studied. He silently held Xiao Pei, who among canines was now considered an adult, staring at the medical text spread on the table.
Even at this time, he couldn’t help thinking of An Ruoyi’s pulse, staring at the medical book, trying to think of a way to fulfill his final filial duty and halt the deterioration of her body.
The medical book went un-turned for a long time. Xiao Pei in his arms seemed to sense his emotions, obediently lying on his lap with its tail tucked, occasionally lifting its head, its moist black eyes cautiously watching him.
Gu Xiaodeng wanted to find Zhu Mi. He couldn’t leave freely, so Feng’en and Feng Huan went in his stead. He wanted to grab Zhu Mi and press him on just how many things Gu Jinyu had hidden from him over these years, but it happened that Zhu Mi had been transferred elsewhere just then.
He wanted to ask about Zhang Dengqing’s whereabouts.
He wanted to settle accounts with Gu Jinyu. He even wanted to apologize to Ge Dongchen, whom he had initially deliberately distanced and neglected.
But he couldn’t even leave this room.
After a long while, Gu Xiaodeng gently patted Xiao Pei. Xiao Pei gave a soft bark, innocent, naive, and utterly uncomprehending.
“Your dad is a piece of shit.”
