Chapter 3: The First Day of Starting to Confirm My Wife

An entire planet, and not a single soul who understood me.

I wandered alone through the golden wheat fields, knowing that before long even these wheat ears would be sold off. Maybe I should film a commercial. Would wheat touched by a Male Insect’s fingertips fetch a higher price?

“Boss, what are you doing out here all alone? Did Youqi’an’s Young Team Leader not satisfy you?”

The moment I heard that unique, teasing way of speaking, I knew it was the Star Pirate Contestant.

The words were all suggestive fluff, but what exactly had he actually accomplished?

And what even was a Youqi’an? Some foreign-sounding name that meant “rich”?

Annoying. I didn’t feel like dealing with anyone.

The Star Pirate Contestant, utterly incapable of reading a room, sidled closer. “I have to admit, I’m rather curious about your goals. Very few Male Insects are like you…”

My heart has already gone cold. “Did you absorb a Star Pirate crew, or conquer a planet?”

Otherwise, why else would you have time to come chat me up.

“Wow, what an ambitious Boss,” the Star Pirate Contestant exclaimed with exaggerated awe. “But we’re just a tiny little Star Pirate crew. We couldn’t possibly complete a mission of that scale for you.”

Fair enough. If it were some syndicate that dominated a whole region, it wouldn’t have been hollowed out by a few casual swings of my hoe.

The Star Pirate Contestant plucked a bundle of plump golden wheat from the field, wove it into a large wreath, and held it out. “How about I offer you a crown?”

This… could this be the legendary gift?!

You brat. You look so rough and careless, but you sure know how to charm a bug!

The Star Pirate Contestant watched me, as if waiting for my reaction.

I understood. He was just covering up his embarrassment.

I took the wheat wreath and placed it on my own head. “I love it. Thank you.”

The first gift I’d received in either world.

The thing was, I’d never gotten a gift before, and I had no idea how to express gratitude in a way that seemed sincere enough. I forced my best smile at him.

The Star Pirate Contestant froze for a moment. Apparently deciding I was just humoring him, he reached for my wheat crown. “Alright, hand it back. If word got out that I gave a Male Insect this as a gift, I’d be laughed to death.”

Clutching my crown, I backed away again and again.

What kind of nonsense was this?! Who gives a bug a gift and then takes it back?!

“This is the first gift I’ve ever received. It cannot be returned.”

Stunned by my tone, the Star Pirate Contestant let his raised hand hang in the air for a moment before slowly lowering it. “Just you wait! I can’t afford this humiliation. I’ll prepare something far better for you.”

With that, he hurried off.

A better gift?

Would it be roses, or a candlelit dinner?

Who said Female Insects didn’t understand romance?

I waited and waited. Seven days passed…

Hold on. Where was my gift?!

Forget the gift. I hadn’t seen a single soul all week!

Seven days later, the Star Pirate Contestant finally returned. “I absorbed an entire Star Pirate crew for you. As your gift.”

You’re getting toppled too!!

In the days that followed, neither the Merchant Insect Contestant nor the Star Pirate Contestant made any move to win me over.

Seeing that things were not going according to plan, I conducted a full post-game review.

What elements does a sweet Zerg romance need? One Male Insect, one Female Insect. That’s it.

I had every single element in place, yet success refused to arrive. It had to be because I wasn’t taking enough initiative.

In novels, Male Insects always proactively broadcast their excellent qualities. It was time for me to show off my strengths too!

Female Insects might be physically powerful, but their hearts are all soft and tender.

Their longing for a home ran even deeper than mine. So I would show off my cooking skills and let them feel the warmth of home through me!

After inviting the two of them over for dinner at my place in person, I headed out to the chicken coop and had Crooked Melon slaughter one for me.

“Boss, I’ve raised this batch nice and fat!” Crooked Melon said. “Whichever one you want, take your pick!”

I surveyed the flock. “The one I could never tame.”

That chicken pecked me every single time I came to the coop. Today, revenge would be mine!

With tonight’s meat dish settled, I turned back to my guests. “Anything else you’d like to eat?”

Maybe the smell of the coop had gotten to them, because the Star Pirate Contestant and the Merchant Insect Contestant were both looking rather pale, like someone had held them at gunpoint.

“You two don’t look well. Are you feeling sick?”

“We’re fine.” “You worry too much.”

Having confirmed that both contestants were in good health, I left them with a dashing silhouette.

I still had to go pick vegetables in the field.

After an entire afternoon of effort, I gazed at the table piled high with dishes and felt deeply satisfied.

The serving plates? Handmade by me, from clay I shaped myself! The flower arrangements? Put together with my own two hands!

There was no more capable Male Insect under heaven than me!

Even the table itself was built by my own hands!

The two contestants arrived together, and I poured them each a drink. “Eat up. I made all of this.”

I saw unmistakable surprise in their eyes, and with that, I dug in, thoroughly content.

Tell me, munch munch, how can anyone’s cooking be this good? Munch munch. How blessed would a Female Insect be, marrying someone like me? Munch munch.

The moment I saw them both swallow their first bite, I quietly straightened my posture. They could start complimenting me now.

I’d spent all afternoon rehearsing humble comebacks, making sure my replies wouldn’t repeat even after three rounds of praise from each of them.

So why were they both sitting there in silence? Could my cooking be so good that they were too busy fighting over it?

Under my expectant gaze, the Star Pirate Contestant finally spoke. “I’ll go do the cooking.”

Huh?

Wait, what was that supposed to mean?

Immediately after, the Merchant Insect Contestant spoke up too. “No, allow me.”

Ohhh, I get it now. They wanted to show off their own cooking skills for me.

Just like a peacock fanning its tail.

I knew my signature dishes couldn’t possibly taste bad. Tomato stir-fried eggplant, kelp stewed with pork intestines, raspberry and carrot roast, cilantro-mint-mung-bean-paste chicken. Impossible!

Before long, the two contestants emerged, each carrying their own dishes.

Honestly, I’d thought my cooking was already good enough.

But the moment their dishes appeared before me, I understood. The true legacy of Cooking Master Boy lives on in the Zerg!

Insects of the interstellar age really know how to cook! So this is what the taste of home feels like?

I ate with my head down, not even looking up.

Keep in mind, I used to be the best cook back at my base. Yet here, I could only rank a measly third.

After expressing the utmost appreciation for their skills, I picked my bowl back up and returned to my own food.

The Merchant Insect Contestant asked, “You don’t like our cooking?”

I stuffed more roast into my mouth. “Wasting food is wrong. You’re not used to my cooking, so I’ll just eat it myself.”

Mine might not be as delicious as theirs, but it was still perfectly edible. The truly tasty dishes should be left for my prospective wives.

When it comes to pampering a wife, I’m a professional!

The Star Pirate Contestant asked curiously, “Where did you learn to make all these dishes?”

Seeing that they were genuinely interested, I set down my chopsticks and introduced them one by one.

“Very few crops grow where I come from. Tomatoes and eggplants were my guardian’s… my Guardian Insect’s two favorite things, so I tried putting them together.”

The Star Pirate Contestant couldn’t help himself. “You hate your Guardian Insect?”

Beside him, the Merchant Insect Contestant elbowed him without so much as a flicker of expression.

How did those two get so chummy so fast?!

I’d caught them chatting in a corner several times already. Anyone who didn’t know better would think they’d known each other before coming here!

I said, “At first, I really did want to gross him out. But he actually said it was delicious.”

Recalling that moment, I realized I could barely remember my Guardian’s face anymore. All I remembered was how dazzling the lights in that room had been, as if even the memory itself still glowed.

The Merchant Insect Contestant pressed gently. “And your Household Insect now…?”

I turned my gaze to the night sky outside the window. Not that it helped. There was no way I could see that blue planet from here, and the people on it had long since vanished.

Mostly, it just makes me look like I have a tragic past.

“They’re all dead.”

The two contestants lowered their heads and resumed eating. But this time, they scrambled to eat my cooking, leaving me no choice but to finish off their delicious food instead.

See? I told you my cooking couldn’t possibly be that bad!