Chapter 2: The Second Day Without Meeting My Wife

◎WTF!◎

Crooked Melon: ?

Crooked Melon: “I wouldn’t dare.”

Cracked Date: ?

Cracked Date: “You want to go undercover in our organization and seize power?”

Just listen to that. How vicious can you get? How could anyone think that of a delicate, helpless male insect like me!

So furious I gave each of them a punch: “Where’s all this chatter coming from!”

The kidnapping ultimately failed, because their spaceship was broken. Even if they’d kidnapped me, they couldn’t have hauled me back to their lair.

What use are you two anyway! You can’t even repair a ship! Do you have any idea how much that slows things down!

Angrily, I started studying their toolbox, and by their bedside I found several bedtime reading books: 《Learning Circuits from Zero》, 《Learning Mechanics from Zero》…

This was Heaven testing the love between me and my wife. And I would overcome it!

Wait for me, wife! We’ll be meeting soon!

After a month of studying, the ship still wasn’t fixed, but the communications were connected.

Good enough. I sent over a gorgeous selfie.

Sure enough, within days, insects showed up.

Just 2 of them, both as plain as could be, Just Ordinary at best. One look told me neither was my wife.

One question revealed they weren’t even mid-level management, so I tied the whole lot up!

Not a single insect respects my beauty!

Shouldn’t a male insect with looks like mine have a whole swarm fighting over who gets to kidnap me!

Worried they might try something untoward with me, and determined to protect my chastity, I even learned to build a Remote-Controlled Shock Collar from scratch.

According to the novels I’d read, male insects are supposed to have something called Mental Power.

I asked them how to use Mental Power.

Them: What’s Mental Power?

Don’t tell me I read the wrong genre and this world just doesn’t have Mental Power?

The 4 female insects I’d acquired: 2 went off to farm, 2 went off to raise livestock.

I decided a male insect smiling in a flower field, surrounded by blossoms, would be a beautiful sight, so I started planting flowers.

And with flowers, I’d need to make a few vases too. A male insect with refined taste is far more lovable.

But what kind of male insect spends every single day crouched in the fields digging clay and firing pottery!

I had to figure out a way to get more insects to do the work.

No, wait! Your companions have gone missing and not one of you is worried?!

I kept sending messages while pretending to be Crooked Melon and Cracked Date: This place is rich in resources, great as a supply point. Send more insects to occupy it.

Another 5 came.

But I’d discovered a mine near where I’d transmigrated, and wanting to dig up some diamonds as a meeting gift for my wife, I sent the whole lot off to work the mine.

Short-handed again. Might as well request a few more.

These Star Pirates really don’t screen their recruits, huh. Why are there so many disabled insects in the crew!

Watching them work with smiles on their faces despite missing arms and broken legs (a few had no visible scars, but supposedly had snapped insect wings) reminded me of my old colleagues back at the base. Crooked Melon asked if I wanted to drive them back out.

Drive them back my foot.

“You don’t even get half as much work done as they do.”

More insects meant more mouths to feed. More mouths meant more land to farm. More land to farm made it look like there weren’t enough insects to go around.

More insects = fewer insects.

Anyway, by the time the population had grown to the point where I no longer had to water the flowers, dig the mines, build, repair, and manage everything myself, I suddenly felt something was off…

Crooked Melon: “Boss, what do we do next?”

Right, of course. A male insect like me can’t just laze around all day. Male insect protagonists in those novels all build careers of their own!

No, hold on! Why are there suddenly so many insects on this planet!

“Don’t call me Boss. Where’s your own Boss?”

What kind of nonsense is it, a respectable, law-abiding male insect like me being called Boss! If I end up with a criminal record, what happens when my wife and I have kids and they can’t pass the civil service exam!

Hurry up and notify your own Boss. Get the kidnapping on the agenda!

Crooked Melon: “I understand what you mean. I’ll arrange it right away!”

Three days later, they captured their own Boss and delivered him to me.

What exactly did you understand?!

I wanted your Boss to kidnap ME, not for you to kidnap your Boss!

“Are you really a male insect?”

Somewhat touched, I turned to look at the captured Star Pirate Boss. This was the first insect to respect my gender.

Whoa. A super-hot female insect, red-haired and generously endowed, with delicate features and thorn-sharp eyes, the tightly cinched rope knots digging into those full pecs.

What more was there to say? I went straight in: Hi, wife.

Of course, that was only in my head. I could hardly be that forward in real life. So indiscreet!

Me: “Have a seat. I’ve got some things to take care of.”

An excuse, actually. I never expected those idiots to tie my wife up and deliver him today. I needed to go get properly dressed up.

My Star Pirate Wife looked at me with a half-smile that wasn’t quite a smile: “Tied up like this, how am I supposed to sit?”

Me: ?

“You can’t break free?”

I could slip out of knots this amateurish. Weren’t female insects supposed to be stronger than male insects across the board?

My Star Pirate Wife seemed not to have anticipated that, muttering, “Interesting. Did I get seen through?”

Anyway, by the time I came back wearing a white T-shirt and blue denim overalls, cradling a huge bouquet of flowers, my wife had already tossed the ropes at his feet and was lounging rebelliously against my chair.

Wife: “Why are you dressed like that?”

Could it be that my wife doesn’t go for the harmless, resilient, pastoral innocent-little-white-flower look?

The next second, Cracked Date came to report: “Boss, a party of Merchant Insects has arrived. The flag looked like Youqi’an’s Merchant Insects. They’re requesting to land on our planet.”

My Star Pirate Wife glanced at Cracked Date, then at me: “Dressed all harmless and sweet… I get what you mean now. Go receive them first, Bo·ss.”

The moment my Star Pirate Wife pronounced the word “Boss,” syllable by syllable in that teasing tone, I went lightheaded. How was that any different from calling me hubby?

In my pastoral little-white-flower outfit, I went up front to receive the Merchant Insects.

Half a day later, my Star Pirate Wife led the underlings out and robbed the completely unprepared Merchant Insects blind.

What exactly did you understand?!

Did you and your underlings all become Star Pirates because you were hopeless at reading comprehension?!

I dressed like this to seduce insects, not to lure them in for the slaughter!

“Male Insect Lord, were you forced into this?”

Moved, I turned to look at the captured Merchant Insect Leader. This was the first insect to believe in my good and honest character.

Whoa. A breathtakingly beautiful female insect with golden hair and cool, porcelain-pale skin, lovely features and a magnetic voice, the exquisite, form-fitting clothing outlining a tall yet not-thin figure.

What more needed saying? I went straight in: Hi…

Wait. No. Why are there two wives on the scene? That violates the rules.

So at least one of these two has to be a supporting character!

My apologies, Mr. Supporting Character. You may offer me your love, but I cannot return it, because my love belongs to my wife and my wife alone.

“This place counts as my territory for now. If you’re willing, you can have the same freedom as he does.”

That’s keeping the playing field perfectly level, right!

The Merchant Insect Contestant lowered his eyes in thought for a moment, those fluttering lashes fanning against my heart like butterfly wings.

Merchant Insect Contestant: “May I be like him… I understand what you mean.”

Hold on, that’s the third time I’ve heard that line this chapter! Are you certain you actually understand?

“Oh? Then repeat it back to me. What do I mean?”

The Merchant Insect Contestant glanced up at the Star Pirate Contestant, then met my eyes: “You won’t restrict my movements, but you hope I’ll compete with him, to prove my own worth.”

Oh my god!!

After all this time among the Zerg, an insect finally understands me!

I couldn’t help applauding for him, then turned to the Star Pirate Contestant with expectant eyes: “And you? Have you understood?”

The Star Pirate Contestant looked at me with a smile that wasn’t quite a smile: “I’m your captive now. Naturally, I’ll do as you wish.”

Captive. What a deliciously suggestive word. Heh heh.

Would tomorrow finally bring the part where two female insects fight over who gets to love me?

…

Three days.

Three whole days had passed!

I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of either of them!

How exactly were those two competing? Cutthroat competition? Did one of them secretly murder the other?!

Just as I was about to call the authorities, the Merchant Insect Contestant staggered over, dark circles under his eyes, to deliver a report: “Leader, I’ve tallied the production capacity of every industry on the planet. These are the tradeable projects and the trading strategies I’ve drawn up.”

No, hold on. What exactly are you competing at?!

Weren’t you supposed to be racing for my bed? How did you end up racing for the office?!

WTF!!