Chapter 25

Before Jiang Chu could react, Qin Zui hooked his leg, flipped him over, and dumped him back onto his own side of the bed.

Qin Zui grabbed the small blanket, got out of bed without a word, pulled open the door, and headed for the bathroom, slamming the door shut with a Bang!

Jiang Chu lay crooked on his pillow, staring at the ceiling for a moment. Then he sat up and looked at the door.

“…Shit.” He cursed under his breath.

He didn’t know if it was the slightly hoarse “Bro” from Qin Zui, or that inexplicably powerful squeeze on his thigh… but a wave of numbness had suddenly shot from behind his ear straight up to the top of his skull, then like an electric current, it went straight down into his lower abdomen.

Thinking back on that “Bro,” Jiang Chu rubbed hard behind his ear a couple of times, ran his fingers through his hair, and then subconsciously tugged at his pants.

Had he just been single for too long?

What the hell was that feeling?

Jiang Chu was frozen in the bedroom, while Qin Zui was in the bathroom splashing water on his face, his mind in chaos.

He was still hard. He didn’t know if he should take care of it or just grit his teeth and wait for it to go away.

The slightly stunned expression on Jiang Chu’s face from a moment ago flashed before his eyes. He slapped the exhaust fan on and leaned against the wall to light a cigarette.

Unlike Jiang Chu, Qin Zui knew exactly why he’d reacted that way.

He just honestly hadn’t expected that the word “Bro” would have such a… stimulating effect on him.

It was so strong that his hand had acted on its own, completely ignoring his brain’s command. He’d just broken free and grabbed onto Jiang Chu’s thigh.

Qin Zui truly understood what it meant to be utterly controlled.

Jiang Chu must have felt it too. With the position they were in, it would have been impossible to miss.

Thinking about it, Qin Zui felt a mix of frustration and a strange, unexplained restlessness bubbling up inside him.

After enduring it for a moment, he viciously pulled his T-shirt off in a fit of anger. He turned, propped one hand against the wall, and with the other, he reached down and unfastened his pants.

When he came out of the bathroom, Jiang Chu was getting a glass of water from the cooler.

They stared at each other for two seconds. Neither of them spoke first. Qin Zui ran a hand through his hair and walked straight for the bedroom.

He even stopped when he passed Jiang Chu, turned back, took the glass from his hand, chugged the remaining half of the water, then shoved the glass back at him.

“…Freak?” Jiang Chu glared at Qin Zui’s back as he retreated into the room. He had to refill his own glass.

He’d only wanted to chat and joke before bed. Why did they have to end up like this? Jiang Chu walked back into his bedroom with his glass, feeling a strange flicker of awkwardness.

Neither of them had turned on the lights as they’d come and gone. In the darkness, Qin Zui had already pulled his blanket over himself and was lying on his side in the same position as before.

Jiang Chu settled back onto his own pillow, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling for a while. He knew Qin Zui wasn’t asleep yet, so he nudged his leg with his foot.

“What were you doing in there?” He didn’t look at Qin Zui, keeping his voice low. “Took you long enough.”

Qin Zui, his back to him, seemed to pause in his breathing. He answered bluntly, “What do you think?”

Jiang Chu opened his mouth, but for a long time, he didn’t know what to say. He thought to himself, Fuck, I know exactly what he was thinking.

Just like Qin Zui suspected, when Jiang Chu had heard that “Bro” and felt his own scalp go numb, he had also felt Qin Zui’s… reaction. It had been hard to ignore.

At the time, he’d been completely stunned by his own feelings. But now that he thought about it, the first thing that came to mind was the feel of it when he’d accidentally grabbed hold of Qin Zui that time he’d fallen down drunk. And that shitty “Pretty impressive” he’d said.

It really was pretty…

No, wait! Fuck! Where was his brain going with this?

Qin Zui heard Jiang Chu let out a breath from deep in his chest. He didn’t know what to make of it.

He didn’t know what Jiang Chu was thinking. And he was a little annoyed that he’d even asked. All the frustration that had been building over the last few days was like a rope twisting together and pulling tight.

Liang Xiaojia had said to him, “I can’t control it.” At least what Liang Xiaojia couldn’t control were his emotions. What Qin Zui couldn’t control was his own instincts and urges.

Why did it have to be like this?

Why did he have such an impulse towards Jiang Chu?

Qin Zui closed his eyes tightly. He truly felt that this version of himself, this orientation of his, was just so damn fucking annoying.

The dark bedroom was silent for a moment. Then Jiang Chu called out to him softly, “Qin Zui.”

Qin Zui didn’t answer.

“Are you…” Jiang Chu didn’t finish his sentence. It wasn’t that he was deliberately pausing; Qin Zui had cut him off.

“Yeah.” Qin Zui knew what he was going to ask.

He sat up in bed and turned to face Jiang Chu. “Does that disgust you? Then I’ll leave.”

“I didn’t even…” Jiang Chu stammered, sitting up as well.

“I’m gay.” Qin Zui looked at him directly. “You’d already guessed, hadn’t you?”

Guessing and hearing it for himself were two very different things.

Those three words, “I’m gay,” were still ringing in Jiang Chu’s ears when Qin Zui threw off the covers and got out of bed to leave.

“Get back here.” Jiang Chu didn’t even have time to think. He just kicked out, his foot connecting with the small of Qin Zui’s back.

He misjudged the force and kicked harder than he meant to, making Qin Zui stumble forward slightly. Then he said, “What the hell are you throwing a tantrum for in the middle of the night? Coming and going, did I say anything?”

Qin Zui turned back to look at him, frowning slightly.

Even in the dim light, Jiang Chu could see the caution and hesitation in Qin Zui’s eyes. His heart ached. It was a weird, uncomfortable feeling.

The bastard had admitted it like he’d given up. He’d probably been thinking all along that if Jiang Chu ever found out, he’d be disgusted and repulsed.

“Since you’re up, go get my cigarettes.” Jiang Chu let out a silent sigh and pointed towards the door.

Qin Zui didn’t say anything. He looked at him one last time before going to get the smokes.

“Sit.” Jiang Chu caught the pack of cigarettes Qin Zui threw at him and gestured to the spot beside him with his chin. He stuck a cigarette in his mouth, his voice a little muffled as he lit it. “Talk to me.”

Qin Zui also brought over the glass ashtray that was sitting on the table in Jiang Chu’s room as decoration. Jiang Chu kicked the blanket aside. Qin Zui put the ashtray between them, leaned against the headboard, and lit a cigarette of his own.

He’d said he wanted to talk. But now that Qin Zui was sitting there, waiting for the inquisition, Jiang Chu didn’t know where to start.

First of all, if he was being honest with himself, ever since he’d first heard the concept of “homosexuality,” Jiang Chu had never once questioned his own orientation. His first wolf-whistle at a girl was an instinct. He was, without a doubt, a good, straight man.

But he wasn’t the type of person who couldn’t accept the LGBTQ community either.

What was there not to accept? The internet was full of gay pride parades and rallies from all over the world. Every other American TV show was filled with LGBTQ characters. A new place was legalizing gay marriage every other week… Gay people had two eyes and a mouth. They weren’t missing any limbs.

The days of turning pale at the mention of homosexuality were long gone.

Besides, it wasn’t like he’d never encountered it in real life. He’d known a few people in college alone. There were plenty in the design industry, too. And their taste and aesthetic sense were usually quite good.

But those were all people outside of his daily life. They had nothing to do with him.

Qin Zui, on the other hand, lived under the same roof as him, ate, drank, and shit with him. He was his nominal younger brother, and he was genuinely taking care of him like one.

To go from suspecting his sexual orientation to having it confirmed so suddenly… Jiang Chu couldn’t find the words. It felt like a whole new universe had opened up between them.

He racked his brain for a long time, thinking about all kinds of things. He’d almost smoked half his cigarette before he cleared his throat and found an opening. He asked Qin Zui, “How did you know?”

Qin Zui looked at him. “How did you know you liked women?”

Jiang Chu almost blurted out, “Do I even need a reason to know?” But he choked on the words for a second, then changed his angle. “Do you get a reaction from watching porn? The man-woman kind?”

“Yeah.” Qin Zui answered pretty frankly. But then he added, “If I showed you two guys doing it, you’d get a reaction too.”

A mental image of a shocked Lu Yu crossed Jiang Chu’s mind, arms crossed, saying, “Really? I don’t believe you.”

“The reaction comes from what they’re doing. It’s a visual stimulus. If the moves are wild enough, you’d get the same reaction from watching two dogs.” Qin Zui said.

“Let’s skip the dogs.” Jiang Chu didn’t hesitate on that one. He was also a little uncomfortable talking to his little brother about whether or not the moves were “wild enough.” “You’ve got a wide range of experience.”

The corner of Qin Zui’s mouth curved. He didn’t say anything.

Now that he’d admitted his orientation, he did feel a lot lighter. At least Jiang Chu wasn’t disgusted or unable to understand him, like he’d imagined.

After another drag of his cigarette, Jiang Chu asked the question that had been plaguing him for days.

“So, you and Liang Xiaojia…” One of his eyebrows involuntarily lifted. “Are you?”

“No.” Qin Zui denied it just as quickly.

“Oh.” Jiang Chu felt a wave of relief wash over him. He finally understood the feeling of a parent who’d found out their kid hadn’t done something stupid.

“If we were, I wouldn’t be in your room tonight.” Qin Zui added.

Jiang Chu’s one eyebrow had just gone down, and now it was a struggle to keep both of them from flying up.

That was too bold! If they were, were they really planning on sharing a blanket and doing… stuff? With pretty wild moves?

The second he pictured Qin Zui with “wild” moves, Jiang Chu suddenly flashed back to the feeling of Qin Zui grabbing his thigh and croaking out “Bro.” A wave of shivers ran straight through his scalp.

Was this kid into him…?

He stared at Qin Zui, not even realizing he’d smoked his cigarette down to the butt.

“What are you looking at?” Qin Zui sensed the complex wariness in Jiang Chu’s gaze. His eyes narrowed, and he went on the offensive. “I’m not interested in you.”

Humans, in their essence, were really good at stirring up trouble for themselves.

The second Jiang Chu had suspected that Qin Zui might have feelings for him, his entire worldview was about to shatter.

But the moment Qin Zui denied it like a dog being chased, Jiang Chu instinctively felt a little offended.

He had a handsome face, a great body, a respectable build. He was a perfectly fine, presentable young man. What was he lacking? Why couldn’t Qin Zui see him as attractive?

He couldn’t even keep a girlfriend. And now, in the eyes of a gay man, he was the leftover one.

Where did he even go to find justice?

Jiang Chu almost found it funny.

But then again, it was true. Even though Qin Zui had been hard against him, a man getting an erection was the least reliable thing in the world.

That thing was as much of a pain in the ass as people were. Sometimes you’d be looking at perfectly normal stuff, and a single explicit image would pop up, and you’d start having dirty thoughts. It had nothing to do with your actual feelings.

Besides, it was his fault for teasing Qin Zui first, riding him and joking around like that.

A boy his age would chase after any hole he saw. He was definitely more easily stimulated.

“Well, that’s a relief. I’ll just make sure to keep your little dog-dick hidden away then.” Jiang Chu laughed. He felt like he still needed some time to process the fact that Qin Zui was actually gay. He couldn’t think of any other pressing questions right now.

He stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray and was about to get up and go rinse his mouth.

He was one leg off the bed when his curiosity finally got the better of him. He clicked his tongue and turned back. “We’re both guys. What’s the appeal of another man, anyway?”

Qin Zui was staring at Jiang Chu because of the “dog-dick” comment. When he turned his head, their eyes met.

Qin Zui stared at him for two seconds. Then, a slightly provocative smile touched his brow. He shifted his body and, using the exact same position Jiang Chu had used to get him to say “Bro,” pinned him down on the bed, his knee pressing into him. “Wanna try it?”